Social Identity Crisis Intervention

An ode to the one who feels they've lost their identity.

You feel you've lost your identity but it was never gone.

Why are you still sitting there all by yourself? Why are you shutting the world completely out? You hide your face but nobody wants it hidden. They want to fully see it; not just through a partial view. They want to see you as you completely are without any cover-ups or false truths of someone that you always try your best to imitate. They are not the real you. You are always worried about what other people think and stay sore, afraid in your insecurities. You are jealous when other people win, making it so they won't win again, and you always lose. I mean, why should anyone else have a great day when you live to stay miserable? You can hardly stand to see someone smile or have a skip to their step. It makes you sick inside and your heart continues to harden. You begin to dislike them and then you start to build a barrier between you and them. They're no longer your friend on social media and they can't figure out what went wrong and why the friendship no longer exists. Yet you don't panic about it because you obviously don't care. Your mindset is all that matters and what you think they think about you. Because to you, that's the real truth regardless of anyone else's opinion and it will stay that way until the end. You move on with your life but you tell the people that are closest to you that no one likes you and you innocently act like you can't figure it out. The whole thing has you completely stunned but deep inside you know the truth. There are many days you blame God for it, though you say you love Him. You not only point your fingers at Him but also your accusers. You had nothing to do with this and it's never your fault; it's always someone else's. But they will pay for it in the end. Their pain justifies your existence and for you, that’s a great day. You always hope they never smile again and their soul be damned at least for the moment. Your heart is bitter but you feel you have the bigger one and it's humanity as a whole that’s really against you. You believe are your only friend but not every day. There are some days that you despise yourself too and you don't know why you continue living. You feel you were once a somebody and the role you played defined who you were but you lost it. You feel someone took it away but you let them end it. As a matter of fact, it was you that let them do it. You got tired of trying and you lost confidence and stopped loving yourself. And now you lay for days with your head in hand on the ground wishing the world would stop turning. You hope that today doesn't turn into tomorrow and you loathe change in your life. As a matter of fact, you despise it. You don't believe there's a good future for you because you don't gave a good pair of binoculars to look into tomorrow. You think every day that tomorrow may never come and you will never find your true self again and that frightens you. So you stay living in this protected bubble making sure you never get hurt again as you live your life in someone else's eyes. It makes you feel great for a day or a week and life doesn't seem so bad for the moment but there lies your true identity in the lost and found box waiting and longing to be picked up by you. You know it's there but you don't know how to go over and grab it because you don't believe that it's the real you anymore and you feel everything is lost.

Are you ready to move on or do you continue to give up?

Kathy Lester
Kathy Lester

I'm a published author with two major publishers, a graphic designer, co-founder of Madcap Toys and Dreamscape Ministries, a mom to three adult sons and a Nana to four grandchildren.  If you like what you are reading, send me a gift or tip. 

Now Reading
Social Identity Crisis Intervention
Read Next
My Mental Health Journey