Socially Depressed

Social: Relating to society or its organization.

Media: the main means of mass communication (broadcasting, publishing, and the Internet), regarded collectively.

Social Media: Websites and applications that enable users to create and share content or to participate in social networking.

For the past year, I've been wanting to use this platform for the greater good. Individuality has always been a focus of mine since I knew what individuality meant. Social Media gives a false narrative of "life." Sometimes it shows the "good" but not the bad or in between, which is your business. It's "your content." Over the past year or so, selfies aren't a thing for me like they once were. I have one good angle, one good filter, and one good piece of lighting that a I constantly use; very simple and straight to the point.

Social Media runs on waves, meaning a hashtag is like a new pair of Jordans. It's only hot for a couple of days. Consumers are now focusing on the next pair. Same with hashtags. I've seen #metoo, #timesup, #blm, #woke, and a police brutality victim. I rarely ever see a mental illness hashtag. As of today, I have 410 followers and losing (I would say counting but that's not the case). Out of all of these followers, I see 20 who like and continue to like my same selfie pose. It's 390 followers who couldn't care less or don't see my posts since Instagram removed chronological order. That's besides the point. For those 20, I thank you 🙏.

Two years ago I was diagnosed with mild\moderate depression. So my content hasn't really been content. The selfies I did post, I was depressed. The stigma behind mental illness is ridiculous at this point. Most users of social media are transparent. Why does it then become sacred when it involves mental illness? It's the worst internal battle you have with yourself every day. Depression is more of a feeling. One day it may feel like you ran a 5K and are exhausted. Another day, you can feel like you've beaten the depression and, in a second, you feel like you've lost a relative. Another day, it can feel like you've had a million bricks poured on you. Yes you can take prescriptions with these scary side effects and yes you can talk with a therapist about your "feelings," but that doesn't get rid of it. Those things are ways for you to deal with it. At this point, I'm tired of "dealing with it" or "keeping it a secret." That is just adding fuel to the fire. Humans ignore what they don't understand, so they start labeling the depression as the "devil," which, in turn, means YOU (ME, I) are the devil. You cannot separate depression and me. We are one person. If I could detach myself from depression, I would've done that a loooong time ago, but I can't, so I wish people would stop labeling it "the devil." How in the world does that make the person living with depression any better? How? Black folks want it prayed away, or they say "pray about it." STOP SAYING THAT. STOP SUGGESTING THAT. That is NOT the damn answer to everything. If you don't have any other suggestions, then say that. Or better yet, ask: "How can I help you overcome this?" Depression is such a lonely and isolated place. So to tell me you're willing to help me overcome this is so much more alleviating than praying it out.

Oh, and stop assuming we know when it's a good time for me to come to you. We already feel like you don't understand it. We already have a hard time trying to put it into words to even come to you. Stop saying "You know you can come to me and talk." No, I don't know that, and what makes you think I do know that? Little things like that can drive me insane. My thoughts and body language are already in an isolated headspace. I already feel like I'm on an island by myself. Me coming to you and "praying" is an afterthought. What exactly am I praying for? For strength? I display that by getting out of bed, getting dressed, and going to work. But guess what? I'm still depressed. Praying about it is a blanket statement. I'm saying all of this to say that we (black folks) need to stop putting an asterisk next to depression. If you are a black man or black woman in America, you suffer from some PTSD, which is a mental illness. I say all that to say my posts will be about mental illness. I don't have the answers sway but I will figure out how to deal with it and overcome it. My page my testimonials. Not all depressed people are alike. Hopefully I can display the many sides of me while dealing with this. If this isn't your forte, then just unfollow. This is more about me rather than it is about you.