Stress

I need to get my stress levels under better control. This week I’ve had a class at my job training school and somehow I have managed to get my stress under control all week, despite waking up a lot in the middle of the night this evening. Every night I hope to sleep. But 3:00 AM California time is really 1:00 PM Spanish time. That’s when they are busy eating their main meal. Spanish schedules are different. They do have a naptime at around 4:00 PM daily. This is one of the many reasons I do not live in Spain.

Stress causes damage to your body. Your heart beats faster, you sweat. I managed to keep my stress contained in class. My hands stopped sweating when I got myself relaxed before class. I can sit still and pay attention in the now. I find myself staying in the present moment, in the now. But long ago, in high school, I was actually feeling bad. I mean I compare the sensation in the present with that of high school. It is bizarre to feel bad for feeling good but yet I do this.

I’ve kept my family out of my energy space this week. My cough goes away while I’m at school because there is mold underneath the floorboards. I’m doing my best to survive being low-income on top of that. Stress causes headaches, stomachaches, gastrointestinal problems, ulcers, and an ability to catch colds or the flu often. Fortunately for me, I got a flu shot as I always do except in 2009 back when I was an anti-vaxxer. Gee, those were bizarre times for me. I was way too “psychic this, psychic that,” and I was training with a pagan therapist at the time who was an Ex M.D. turned transpersonal therapist.

Stress makes me panic. I get overloaded and I hide in a dark corner until I feel better. One cure for stress is breathing exercises. I have learned those. I also got biofeedback instruction from said therapist who taught me how to relax. Some medications I was on back then caused random high blood sugar. Not Geodon though, which gives me a gentle night’s sleep. Stress management becomes easier with medication on board. Medication helps us stressed people let go. We can shove our stress aside, easily. In class, there is one abrasive person who cooled her jets today after I yelled at her on Thursday. That was effective.

My stress though comes and goes in waves. I managed to calm down after I just expressed my outrage to her to quit messing with people and pay attention. I have complained about her to my advantage. She was only going to be in class a week anyway. Stress, yes, it makes me anxious, my palms get wet and clammy. But lately, my palms have been able to be dry after small anxiety fits. Compared to the way I used to live, my anxiety problems were bad.

Now they aren’t so bad. I feel great but it is insane of me to feel guilty for being fine while others in my family suffer terribly. I don’t get why they want to suffer so much. That is bizarre because they demand to suffer from their symptoms all the time while I’m well because I take my medication. I feel better than I ever have in my entire life right now. I’m stable, and this is hard earned stability. I’m able to stay awake on the way and sleep at night. Cutting caffeine in my diet is what makes this possible. Stress management is something I have gotten better at.