Stripes: A Ten Year War Against Me 2

In "The Rice Experiment" demonstrated by Dr. Massey Emoto, three jars are filled with cooked rice and labeled either Good, Bad, or Ignore. Each day Emoto would speak positively to the jar labeled 'Good', negatively to the jar labeled 'Bad', and say nothing to the jar labeled 'Ignore'. After repeating this daily for one month, the rice in the 'Good' jar had begun to ferment and offered a pleasant aroma. The jar labeled 'Bad' had turned black. And the jar labeled 'Ignore' had grown mold.

The purpose of the experiment was to demonstrate the power of words. It was Emoto's conclusion that positive words or positive attention created more positive outcomes than negative attention. Still, being completely ignored created an even worse outcome than negative attention. This experiment has become widely popular and has been recreated numerous times. Some believing his conclusion to be true while others have found different cause for the results.

I'd gotten in trouble a few too many times that year and I could tell my mother was beginning to get frustrated. I'd gotten suspended for fighting a few weeks before and my preteen hotheadedness was starting to get on her nerves. "I told her I was gonna whoop her butt, but I used the 'A' word," I admitted.

A friend of mine's mother had seen the aftermath of the incident and threatened to tell my mother that I was cursing. I knew I'd better beat her to the punch. With my parents, honesty could get you out of just about anything.

Mama looked at me with a stoic expression on her face, her eyes authoritative and threatening before letting out a heavy sigh. She eased her stare. "You better stop goin' up to that school actin' like you billy badass. You don't want that reputation. You'll fight one fight, then another, the next thing you know it'll never stop. You'll have to defend yourself against everybody that has something to prove."

She had a way of popping all the air out of my big ass head whenever I'd started to get a little ego. I was truly a mama's girl and unwilling to do much of anything that would disappoint her. In this case, I didn't know that she was right just yet. But I trusted her, no questions asked and lo and behold her words began to materialize soon after.

So I responded the way I thought that I was supposed to. I did as I was told, I sat quietly. I avoided situations that might turn into problems. Eventually, I even applied this attitude when dealing with authority figures, choosing not to rock the boat no matter how strongly I felt.

I hid myself. Unknowingly and with the full support of everyone that praised my maturity, behavior, and self-control. I was the best kind of conformist.

I always remembered the conversation with my mom because I felt like she had really helped me to avoid a lot of pain. Maybe she did, but in changing so much I created a whole host of other problems. I decided at a very young age that I preferred being alone and unseen to being seen and reprimanded.

I learned to hate any disturbance in my isolated peace. And I've carried this into adulthood. I have put so much stock in maintaining my peace and diplomacy that I continue to isolate myself. I avoid dramatic situations. I go above and beyond to remove myself from uncomfortable roles or situations. I have rendered myself invisible for fear of discomfort. Thus never truly learning what it means to be social. And despite knowing this, the habits are so deeply ingrained in my actions that it's been hell trying to change the habit.

My very first therapy session was one where I sat confused and terrified as a woman repeatedly told me that I needed to acknowledge my emotions. I didn't understand it then. But now I can understand how those emotional outbursts, my depression, my confidence, and my invisibility are all tied tightly together.

Confidence isn't just being yourself. It's being yourself and consciously accepting that human beings are social and emotional creatures. Confidence is living your life in the way that you want and accepting the disappointment that you feel when receiving a negative response as well as accepting the joy that you feel when receiving a positive one.

Every person (and possibly thing) on this planet wants to be appreciated for exactly who he or she is. To walk around with the mentality that "Oh, I don't care what anyone thinks," is essentially doing just what society has asked you to do. You are rejecting your own emotional responses.

It seems that lately, our society has become more self-aware in knowing that "if they put you on a pedestal, they can take you off."

And instead of people recognizing a pedestal as just a position in society and not the whole of a being's value; our response is to reject positioning, or to deny our emotional responses to social acceptance or rejection. When it might be better to take those societal favors as they come and go; all the while knowing that you are still valuable.