Struggling With Mental Health

Depression and other mental health issues affect everyone in different ways. This is why it is important to get the right help that is needed. I have had medical and mental health issues for most of my life. I remember the first time dealing with a major breakdown when I was in high school. I had started cutting and my life just felt like it was spinning out of control.

Some of the main issues I deal with when it comes to mental health are Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), anxiety, and depression. It can be hard at times, and there are so many people who don't understand it. I hope one day there won't be such a stigma mental illnesses and all that comes with it.

Next, imagine that no matter what you do and how well you do it, you feel like a failure. People might compliment you and say nice things, but you look and dissect every word that is said so that you feel horrible and think everyone is annoyed or doesn't care. Think about others around you. Imagine being in one room and two people are in another talking to each other. You automatically think they are talking about you. Also, think about the people around you. How would it feel to constantly be seeking validation from those people? Regardless of the situation. This is BPD.

Imagine that you are trapped in a room. We will go with the no windows or doors (No I don't know how you got in the room without these). Now imagine that room filled with smog. You can't breathe or take a deep enough breath to make it feel like you actually got some air. Imagine that room is dark. Not so fun, right? That is anxiety.

Now imagine that you are in a bed of water swimming. You keep swimming towards the shore, but every stoke seems to push you farther away. So far away that you feel like you might drown. The water completely covers you up to your nose. You have just a tiny bit of breathing room. This is depression.

If you combine all this together, it is what I deal with on a daily basis. I know others who have the same issues. The thing is that everyone is different. My BPD is mild. My anxiety is a little bit worse and the depression doesn't affect me unless the others are affecting me, which is almost all the time but with classes that were offered to me through the state I have learned to control most of this.

I have also learned what signs to look for. I actually walked out on a job that I absolutely loved because I could feel a major breakdown coming on. I regret this and wish I had more tools at that time to help point me in the right direction.

I am not on any type of medication unless you count Marijuana (legally). But that is okay. My issues are mild enough to where I can control it most of the time. There are little slip ups here and there, but for the most part, I am doing well.

Mental health is something that we are hearing about on a daily basis, but we don't see the resources to help us. And in most cases, that is because we don't know where to look. In fact, it was hard for me to get in to see someone unless I needed immediate assistance.

We definitely need more resources. Imagine that you feel like you are going to break down, but not quite yet. You know you need help, so you call your insurance for a referral (or however your insurance does it). You get that referral and then you call around finding someone to help. I am on state insurance, so I have limited options.

How would you feel if every place you called had a three-month wait to get into. What happens if you actually snap? No one was there to help when you needed it and now you feel even worse than before. What good is a three month wait? Yes, you can say it's an emergency, but the truth is, in most cases, someone who is mentally unstable might not be in the right mind to call. As you can see, these issues just seem to pile on each other one after another.

I can tell you that you aren't alone, but that isn't going to help you. You just need to find the different things that make you happy and work for you. Whether it be classes, medication, or even finding a friend you can talk with.

Finally, if you see or know someone who is dealing with mental illness, don't assume anything about their condition. If they threaten suicide, don't call them "attention seeking," because most of the time, the attention they are looking for is just for someone to listen. They are looking for help. Every mental health issue affects each person differently. So do your best to lend an ear because that one little act of compassion can change someone's entire life.