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Suicide

My Personal Thoughts

Kim Jonghyun of SHINee ended his life December 18 of last year. This image is not mine, it’s a photo from his Story Op.2 album from SM Entertainment. No copywrite infringement intended. 

*Trigger warning, if mention of suicide is a sensitive topic for you.*

This isn’t going to be about KPOP or anything like that, I just mention Jonghyun because he’s my role model and it fits with the topic at hand. Enjoy. ❤️

Kim Jonghyun has become the embodiment of power, success, and strength in my life. He is the one I think of every morning that I just don’t want to get out of bed, he is the one I think of when I feel like I won’t be able to push through another day. People have mocked him, criticized his decision, and even bluntly disregarded everything he and Shawols (SHINee fandom name) stood for because he did what he did. But at the end of the day, he was stronger than most would have been in his situation. For almost ten years, he hid his pain from the world and maybe even faked happy a lot to protect us from the dark side that was eating at his mentality. But he was so strong for how he endured it all. You did well, Jjong. 

You may not like KPOP, but what I ask of you is not to mock it. That is their life’s work, and the idols go through so much and they shouldn’t have to deal with the extra pressure and attempts at defaming. You may not appreciate KPOP, but don’t just ignore their hard work and acknowledge the talent; even if it’s not to your taste. That’s all. Now I’ll go into the topic I wanted to address.

Suicide.

It’s a sensitive topic, I know. So let’s just get into this, shall we? No cutting corners—wow, the irony of that...

So we’re gonna start with the modern mind and how a “sane” person views life: they see it as a precious, beautiful thing that should not be toyed with or taken from anyone. They see that you should help anyone from taking their lives, that you should save anyone you can from any type of death. But are you actually saving them? They think that suicide is bad, which it might be. They think that it’s selfish to take your own life, that “there’s someone who loves you,” and that you should live for them. That there are people who are fighting to keep themselves alive and you are giving your life away carelessly. They think the person that takes their own life was too weak, that they were just taking the easy way out of their problems when they could’ve lived through it and sorted everything out. That they could have seen brighter days if they just persevered, and they could’ve gotten help from those around them-

Except not everyone has someone to help them, to tell them they love them and care about their wellbeing.

But that’s not what they see, these “sane” people. They see that there is always light that must be sought out if they want to make it through their hardships. Some people never get a chance to breathe, to take a moment to relax and not have to worry about everything they’re going through. So maybe their slight match flame has died out with the lack of oxygen, and they’ve lost all hope and chances to light it back on their own. And no one is there to light that match for them again, no one to give them even the slightest faith in humanity or themselves.

And back to the “normal” human mind’s way of thinking: they don’t know of the person’s inner turmoil if they do find out about all of their problems. Be it physical issues, they think it can be fixed for the most part. Be it mental issues, they think therapy and medicine will do to fix their state of mind, but those happy pills sometimes only turn them into a lifeless zombie. Almost as if they are dead already.

Say those pills do work; they are only temporary. After the effects wear off and they can’t take anymore until their prescribed times, the depressive thoughts come back. Because after being on something like that for so long, your body develops an immunity, meaning the pills lose their strength against the person’s mentality. So they are back to being alone in their minds, back to the darkness that the pills only pushed aside for a short amount of “peace,” for a lack of more fitting words. And since they might have gotten used to that slight sense of tranquility, the darkness engulfs them quickly, powerfully. So powerful that the pain is only multiplied from before they were on the pills, since they were definitely stronger then, dealing with whatever they were going through.

And still, no “sane” person will understand your issues.

They will just continue to stuff you with pills and send you to therapy. And if it’s a trust issue, how do you think that the person whose mind is at stake will react to being pushed into someone else’s acquaintance? If they did not want to talk about it with anyone they know, and that is if they knew someone who would even bother to listen, what makes you think that they will tell a complete stranger? A stranger is someone whom you know nothing about, and you don’t know what they are capable of. And telling everything about yourself to someone like that is terrifying for some. Which makes their anxiety only skyrocket.

So if they get suicidal thoughts from the increasing mental instability, why would you say they are wrong for thinking that way? Why would you say that it is selfish of them to want to take their own life? Why would you say they are weak for it?

I once read, “Some people don’t think the same. Some people really want to die, and by stopping them you’re not saving them. You’re sentencing them to keep suffering. Aren’t you a cruel person for doing that? Deeming their decision wrong just because you think differently? They bravely make their decision, you shouldn’t take that right from them.”

Which brings me to my next point: how are they weak for making the decision they have to take their own life? Let’s ask each other this: why do you hold on to your life? Is it because you’re afraid to die? That you’re afraid of what might be next? Or is it that you are just afraid to die, to leave all of what you have behind? Wouldn’t that make you weak too, for not being able to end all of your pain and sorrow?

This should open your eyes to just how much that person is going through; since their life is so far downhill, they can’t run enough to catch up with everyone else’s healthy mental stability. Why would they try and give everyone a show, and say they are getting better only to be having their minds destroyed while trying to make everyone else feel better? Why should they have to suffer for people that don’t know what they are going through, for people that don’t bother to know what they are going through? For people that think they are just weak and their way of thinking is disgraceful?

I’ve given you something to think about, if you ever see this. I’ve given you plenty of reasons to realize that if someone makes such a dire decision, and you had no knowledge of them deciding to follow through with their contemplations, then accept that they finally got their peace of mind. Of course, I’m not saying you shouldn’t try and help them through it, help them to fix their problems, or help them to realize that they do have someone there to help and stay by their side. I would never say that, since I know not everyone is like the picture I’ve painted for you. I also know that therapy does work often for people. I was just mentioning what different people would think and how they would react. Some people just need to know that they are not alone, and that they don’t have to take their own life to get the relief they deserve. But I am saying if someone does happen to take their life, you have to be accepting and realize their side of the story, and not push all of your own opinions and rationalities to mark their decision up as wrong. And if someone was like that, then that just means you didn’t pay enough attention to the little details...

But you cannot blame yourself, and you cannot blame them. No one is to blame for someone’s suicide, except life. Life is not always sunshine and rainbows, definitely not so with people that have mental issues like I’ve addressed in this writing. Life isn’t always for everyone.

Just don’t be so quick to blame someone and deem them wrong for committing suicide, for it was their decision and they felt their life was at the point of no return. Yes not everyone values their lives as much as you or others may value theirs.

Take this how you want. I’m just putting my thoughts here. In no way am I writing this to offend anyone, just to express what I’ve been thinking about. Thank you for reading. ❤️

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