Suicide

Suicide. Not a fun topic. It’s not something people like to talk about. What people do not realize is that it is a very serious problem today and it needs to be brought into the light. “What better way to end the pain than end your life?” is a very common thought. You’d be very surprised by the number of people who want to take their lives daily. You also may not be aware that one of those people could be someone very well close to you.

I’m not gonna lie… I struggle. Daily. I can easily give myself MANY reasons on why I feel like I shouldn’t live, but I’m constantly reminding myself of what God says, which keeps me in line. The reason I made that statement earlier is because I am not suicidal per the definition. Yes, I have thoughts of suicide, but I would never act on them. I know that God has a plan for my life and that there is hope...

I am completely aware that suicide is terrible and shouldn’t be an option, let alone a thought. It’s incredibly wrong and not what God wants. Of course, I mean… who would want someone to kill themselves when they have a full life ahead of them? No one. (At least, I would hope so). And the people who do have suicidal thoughts ARE AWARE OF THIS FACT. We’re just hopeless… We feel there is no chance of being happy or that life just isn’t worth living anymore. No matter what people say, we can’t be convinced like you would like us to.

Just like depression, suicidal thoughts drag over us. It’s almost like we have a giant sheet of all of the regrets and failures in our life overshadowing us every day. It blocks our view of the light and the so-called positivity in life. We see what is wrong with us, rather than what is great about us. We hear screwed up conversations in our head of past relationships, rather than future possible life-changing ones. We think about all of our mistakes and what-ifs, rather than thinking what we can do to make our life better. We don’t see things like you. Again,

we don’t see things like you.

Now, just because we don’t see things like you at the moment, doesn’t mean we won’t get better. We’re trying. What you don’t see in us is the “small” victories that are huge for us! For me, getting up and doing a load of laundry is a huge victory. To you, it’s just a chore of your daily life. To me, It’s a huge task that takes a lot of energy, when I feel like I am not even worthy of moving from my bed. For me, cleaning myself up, putting makeup on, and driving to the store to get some groceries is absolutely a huge accomplishment. To you, that’s nothing. To me, it’s having enough strength to not only do some self-care but also to actually be in public surrounded by people even though I feel less than nothing. For others, it may be making dinner, cleaning the house, doing homework, or even going to work! Those are simple, everyday tasks for you, but they are huge battles for us.

I know you will never fully understand what it’s like to not want to live, but please try to. When we go into our “fits”, please don’t tell us we are throwing a pity party. If we don’t want to do something because it feels like too much… please don’t push. Be a friend, be a lover, be an encouragement, because all we want to know is that we are wanted on this earth.

Depression is real and suicide is just as serious. Do your part by remembering to spread love and kindness, but also by trying to really listen to people. Like I said before, we just need someone to be there. Celebrate our “small” victories with us, and remember we are human, just like you.

We’re all fighting battles, just different ones.