Suicide and Celebrities

After watching the recently released carpool karaoke, featuring the late Chester Bennington, I decided to write my thoughts down. I write this with tears of laughter and sadness still fresh.

As someone who has experienced long term depression, I understand better than some what could have happened to change a seemingly happy man to one who decided to end it all. In fact, there was a video released of him playing with his kids the day before he died, showing a seemingly happy and contented man. The carpool karaoke was edited so he could have been acting happy, the home video seems more natural, so his happiness was probably for real.

Although of course he could really have been happy and content, the day he took his life, he could have been happy and content. I know from experience a small thing can spoil a good day. Having fame and money isn’t always enough, many musicians and other celebrities have succumbed to their personal demons. Kurt Cobain was the voice of his generation, but his depression triggered by constant stomach pains and drugs was too much for him. After one failed suicide attempt he shot himself at his home.

Chester was part of one of the biggest rock bands there is, Linkin Park. They had numerous bestselling records and played massive stadium tours. Chester had a large family, he had children from two partners and this was one of the reasons that some people didn’t understand his decision to end it all. Trying to please so many people was probably part of the reason he struggled. He may have felt he couldn’t split himself in to enough pieces while holding up contracted work with the band. Indeed, he sung many songs about depression and anxiety throughout his career. Looking back after his death he could easily have been thinking about himself.

The karaoke video and the Live version of "One More Light," showing him sing live for the final time, show him in a good voice so it’s unlikely he was worried about his ability to perform. Robin Williams was believed to have killed himself due to his long-standing depression but also because he had been diagnosed with dementia, the theory being he wanted to bow out on a high. He was one of the most talented actors and comedians of his time yet still suffered massively with doubt and depression.

My lowest point was following a concert by one of my favourite bands 13 years ago. Although I had been looking forward to it for a long time and was hoping for an evening of release in the end I didn’t enjoy it and struggled to focus. The long-term depression nearly won me over. As I sat on the train platform to wait for my train home I could just as easily have gone under the train as on it. Something made me choose to get in it and here I am. I changed my life as best I could and over time I have got better and stopped the medication but still could relapse.

Famous people have the same hang ups as the rest of us, maybe just different scales. We want to be liked and respected, we want to be treated fairly and kindly, above all we want to be loved. Even if we have all of those things life can still be a struggle. We need to be reassured about all of them and try to deal with the low points.

In summary anyone can have depression, anyone can be suicidal, and anyone can end their life. The only person who understands the pain they feel is the person feeling it. Likewise, the only person who knows why someone decided to end their life is the person doing it. Chester and Robin Williams both hung themselves which shows at least a small amount of planning and preparation. The suicides weren’t spur of the moment things but had a degree of build-up. It can really be anyone at any time for any reason.