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Suicide May Not Be the Answer, but It Also Isn't Selfish

Exploring One Person's Discussion as to Why Saying Suicide Is "Selfish" Is, in Itself, Selfish

By Zellie WickerPublished 6 years ago 6 min read
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Let me preface this article by saying that I do not condone suicide, but I do understand it. I do not want someone to read this and then say that I encouraged them to partake in the act, because that is not my purpose. I do believe there are other ways out of pain, but I do understand why someone may be unable to find those ways.

There are many people that say that suicide is selfish. After all, why should that person feel as though he or she can play "god" or that their life is no longer worth living? Well, let me tell you something. Suicide is not selfish. Suicide is a means of escape. It is something that many people do not understand, because they have merely never been to that dark of a place. As someone that has been to that dark of a place, I completely understand feeling as though suicide may actually be the only way to successfully cope with the world.

A tweet that was also posted on Instagram (can you tell I enjoy Instagram yet?) was about how suicide isn't selfish, but is instead, the result of an extremely debilitating mental illness: depression. I fully stand by that statement. I understand others that do not stand by that statement, but that is usually because they have again, not been in that dark of a place. To hopefully help clarify this: If someone dies from cancer, you blame the cancer. You don't tell the person that they are being selfish for not just "stopping" themselves from dying. You don't tell the person that "If they wanted to, they wouldn't have cancer." Sometimes chemotherapy doesn't work; Sometimes radiation doesn't work; Sometimes holistic methods don't work. Regardless of what treatment method is being utilized (if any), you don't tell the person that they didn't do enough. You don't tell the person that the tumor was all in their mind. You don't tell the person that they were "throwing life away." No. You console that person. You accept what has happened and that that person likely did everything he or she possibly could to fight the disease.

It's the exact same for depression and suicide. If you think of depression as a tumor, and suicide as what the tumor can potentially bring, it gets easier to understand. Every coping mechanism someone has tried is equivalent to chemotherapy, radiation, or holistic methods. I can almost assure you that that person has tried close to everything within their grasp to cope with the internal darkness they have continually faced. Most people don't commit suicide because they just want to "try it" or something; most people commit suicide because the pain they have felt has become unbearable and nothing they do helps it.

From my own experience, when I have opened up about feeling suicidal I have either not received any help, or I have been told that things get better, or there are other ways to cope, or that the person can't believe I could even say such a thing. Well, let me tell you this: Not one of those people actually helped me. They made me feel as though my final attempt at coping was selfish. That there was something more I could do. That it was kind of a personal attack against them. It was not. It never has been. Instead, it was my last attempt at coping with the traumas I have lived through and the darkness that I did not feel as though I could escape.

One saying I once heard on CSI: NY (when I was beyond obsessed with that gloriousness) related to suicide. I can't fully remember the exact words, but it went along the lines of questioning why it was any less selfish of those around a suicidal individual to not want them to kill themselves, merely because we want to keep them around? If someone is in such a severe amount of pain, that individual will find whatever way they can to save themselves.

I have also had a student tell me that she was happy when her grandfather passed. Was she heartless? Not at all. Why? Because she saw the pain he was in; She was around him and she had come to terms that after his death he would no longer be suffering. She also told me how the rest of her family (who had not spent the last few months with him) were devastated at the loss. She knew that her family members only wanted him to stay around so that they could feel a sense of joy and ease with his passing. They had not spent nearly enough time with him, and so instead of feeling content—as my student did—their forms of grief were much more traditional.

I currently have a resident who has cancer, but going through chemotherapy would not be a good idea for her mentality. Instead, her guardian is taking holistic approaches to keeping my resident alive as long as humanly possible. Yes, this resident is one of my absolute favorites and even though she can get annoying at times (who can't, though?), I still love going to work just to see her. However, I also know about the pain that comes with cancer. No, I have not had the type she has, but I feel as though many of the same feelings she expresses (as best as possible) I also experienced during my time in the hospital. Now, since my cancer was not as aggressive and chemotherapy was actually helping, I sort of understood at the time why everyone around me did not want to see me go. However, I do not understand why my resident cannot just be allowed to live out the rest of her days (regardless of how few or many that is) rather than putting her under the stress of holistic medicine, without fully changing her diet or being able to do much for the pain she is in each and every day? I have told several of my coworkers that I feel as though we are the selfish people because we see her in pain but just because we don't want to experience life without her, we are making her suffer more than she should.

Again, I want to emphasize that even in my darkest times I have been able to escape the crushing gloom around me, but that that does not mean I was not incredibly close. I also want to emphasize that I do not support the use of suicide or that there are truly no other ways out of the darkness, but I do understand how someone can feel to be stuck in that place. I understand that there is often little hope that people in that mentality can see, and I understand that being told something that is definitely being used as a last means of escape is selfish further crushes one's soul. I'm not entirely sure if this article actually helped explain just how crushing being told you're being selfish for running out of coping mechanisms can be, but I hope I did this topic justice.

Remember: Those who commit suicide are not selfish; We are selfish for not spending time with them when we could have.

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About the Creator

Zellie Wicker

Mental health advocate

Wannabe writer and photographer

Cat-mom

Instagram-obsessed

Just trying to make it through this thing called "adulting."

Open to messages, just send them to [email protected]

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