Surviving Through Mental Illness

I want to start this off by saying I am only 16 years old. Just a young kid in high school working their butt off to get homework done so they can get a high GPA and graduate on time. Something that isn’t that unusual for teens to stress about, but for me it gets even more intense than just the usual anxiety of getting work done and caring what other people think about me. It gets so difficult for me to leave my bed in the morning and not because I hate school or am too tired from lack of sleep, but because I have a mental illness. Multiple mental illnesses actually that make my life a living hell and people don’t even know the half of the stress my own mind puts me under because there’s no visual evidence that I’m suffering.

Imagine waking up on a Monday morning as a teenager about to get ready to go to school. As usual, any average kid would fight the urge to stay in bed and sleep for a few more hours but imagine not having a choice in that matter. Imagine being so stuck inside of your head that something is physically happening to cause you not to leave your bed. Your own brain giving you a paralysis of crippling anxiety and depression and it feels as if the world will fall apart if you set one foot onto the ground. It gets very hard to make plans with people, let alone get my work done and show up to school everyday. I can’t predict when my brain decides what day it will let me leave my house or even just my bedroom. It sounds pathetic but I am literally a prisoner of my own mind, which causes a lot of problems and relationship issues in my life.

How do you explain to someone the reason you couldn’t show up for your coffee date that you’ve been looking forward to all week was because your mind didn’t let you? Your chemically imbalanced brain holding you back made it impossible and you can’t even find a valid reasoning of why other than the fact that you are diseased. Metaphorical chains are just as strong as real ones but no one takes you seriously when they have no physical evidence. How am I supposed to show people I am hurting when there’s no bleeding wounds? It’s as if I am walking around with broken limbs while everyone around me is forcing me to walk when it isn’t physically possible. I don’t blame them. How could I when it’s all happening inside of me?

Unless you have a mental illness or have experienced one yourself, you will not understand. I’ve accepted the fact that no one can understand unless they have been through it. The fact that they don’t just makes me feel like a burden. An outcast. A waste of space that can’t do anything correctly.

Let me tell you something if you have a mental illness: YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. YOU ARE NOT YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS. You are you and you are not useless. Don’t let it define you but don’t push it aside either. Don’t avoid it or pretend it isn’t there. Embrace it no matter how bizarre that may sound, pretend it’s your super power. It isn’t easy and I know that, trust me, I know that. Instead of saying that you can’t do something because of your mental illness, remember that you can do so many things despite it. If you got out of bed this morning I am proud of you. That crap is hard sometimes. Accepting your illness and pushing past it is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do.

I don’t know if this helps in any way, or if it was pointless for you personally, but having a mental illness doesn’t mean you can’t live. If you do have one or think you might, don’t let it take over your life and your self worth. Get the help you deserve, because you need it just as much as someone with a broken leg needs it. And if you’re close to someone with a mental illness, let them know you’re there for them if they need anything and try not to blame yourself for what they’re going through.

Mental illness isn’t something that gets fixed overnight so just take it step by step and reward yourself for the little things. Making a cup of coffee, going on a movie date with a friend, brushing your teeth when you didn’t feel like getting out of bed but hey, at least you have clean teeth. Take pride in the little things because they add up. Life is more than just schoolwork getting done and getting paid. It’s taking pride in who you are and what you have overcome and living every day like it’s your last. It’s taking care of yourself and knowing you aren’t alone because there are millions of people out there that are struggling too. It’s surviving through the day and remembering how strong you are for getting out of bed this morning. I’m proud of you.