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The 6 Faces of Bipolar Disorder

It's a spectrum.

By Willa WhitePublished 6 years ago 7 min read
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Photo by Sandeep Swarnkar

Admittedly, bipolar disorder can be a pretty confusing disease. Having displayed symptoms since toddlerhood, I still don't understand everything. One of the most important things I have learned about my disease is how there are more than two sides to the coin. In fact, there are at the very least six distinct faces; six freely flowing phases. Of course, there are other things that are important too, but let's start here.

1. The very first and most pivotal phase you should know is the euthymic phase.

This is the part where the person is just a person. They feel normal—not too happy, not too sad, functioning well and visibly impossible to differentiate from a neurotypical person. If their brain was okay, this would be who you always got to speak with. This would be your friend. They feel alright and you do, too. This can also be one of the most anxious times for them because they know with a clear head that this isn’t going to last forever. In this phase, please don’t act too tense. Let them enjoy it while it lasts because they know it will turn, and no one can predict when or where.

2. Hypomania

Hypomania sounds funny. Is it like hypothermia? I mean I guess it kind of is. Hypothermia is like you're cold but you're not frozen solid. Hypomania is when you are manic but not kamikaze. You might gamble compulsively, but you probably won't bet and lose your car. You're extra happy and extra motivated, but probably not to the point of believing you really can drive up that car trailer in the middle lane while doing 60. Fidgety? Hell yes. Sleepy? Not at all. Talking and moving quickly? Absolutely. But the difference between hypomania and mania is that you are less likely to be a danger to yourself and others. This is less disruptive to your life. While it is still an important symptom and not considered a healthy norm, you are more likely to be safe while you pass through.

3. Hypothymia

Like hypomania, hypothymia is the less extreme version of one end of the spectrum. Instead of full depression, hypothymia is not that bad. Not to say that it is ever good, not at all. But hypothymia, unlike depression, is not considered to be a life-threatening state. My most recent bout featured tears. They were from nowhere, about anything and nothing. Car commercials? Bawling. A ship horn? Buckets. Remembering that I am trying my hardest? Weeping. Other spells have included complete withdrawal, making a blanket fort in the closet and hiding, rocking back and forth, binge eating, sleeping for 18 hours at a time, etcetera, etcetera. Diminished ability to function socially and occupationally are not to be ignored here.

4. Mania. There’s the kicker.

This is when passion, fire, drive, ambition, and energy will stun you. Creativity takes over and idea after idea falls out like a hail storm. Pictures, books, videos, paintings, anything will be beautiful. They can run marathons, lift weights, kill it in the gym for hours. Sleep? Nobody needs it. Coffee? Pots of it. Everything in excess. More, always more. Drugs? Sure why not! Alcohol? Of course! Sex? Line up! Dirt biking? Let’s do it. No one needs condoms or helmets or limits. Drive fast, spend big, go hard. Anger is angrier, hate is more hateful, love is heavenly, and energy is electric. It is dangerous and the comedown will be hard. Watch out here because this is the part where delusion plays a role. They might be stronger than anyone, smarter than everyone, more creative than anyone, and more beautiful than everyone. When challenged, they will make sure you and everyone around you knows this. In this moment, they believe it to be true.

When it stops feeling good, it will start feeling terrifying. The mix between the desperate pull to stay high and the crippling fear of how real and how big the fall suddenly seems is too much too fast. Like lightning, the power and the beauty astound you, but when the light goes out, you realize the ground is burning. In this phase, keep them safe. If you can’t do it yourself, tell someone who can. They are still in there and still love you. If that love is unhealthy for you, you have the right and responsibility to remove yourself.

Never, and I repeat, never sacrifice your own health for theirs. And try not to argue with them. They will say things they don't mean, will not think logically and respond to reason, and will experience an intense and sometimes debilitating amount of regret and remorse when the mania subsides. None of this is your fault. In the same way a diabetic person has blood sugar spikes, a bipolar person has emotion spikes. They can be controlled with medications, but science isn't far enough yet to make them stop, or make them better. This phase will drive you insane and can become dangerous for you as well. You love them and you want them to be okay, but the same as that lightning, when the fire is too big, you need to ask for help. Remember, you are important, and if this phase is toxic for you, admit it. Mania can be manipulative, and you have every right to health, safety, and happiness.

5. Mixed State

I find mixed states very dangerous. Some will tell you that mania is the scariest, and others might warn you about depression, but for me, it's the mixed state that does the most damage. The best example I can think of is when I am simultaneously fidgety, suffering from insomnia, full of energy, but also angry and sad. Mixed state is the place where you feel any feature of the extremes of mania and depression simultaneously. This can lead to a pretty dangerous cocktail of emotions. Extremely sad but got tons of energy? Decisions on what to do about that sadness, normally blocked by the diminished energy of depression, can be carried out with the kick you get from your mini-mania. Really inspired but unable to get yourself out of the house? You can imagine what that does to a person's spirit. Whereas you know what to expect when you are depressed or manic, mixed state leaves you up in the air, and there is no way to describe how scary that can be.

6. Then there’s depression.

Sadness, hopelessness, hypersomnia, and so much more are encompassed in this phase. You can't work. You feel every drop of emotion and you try so hard but you quite simply cannot function effectively enough to even leave home. You eat too much or not enough. You sleep too much or not at all. People withdraw, people hide their emotions, functioning ability goes down, and emotions range from a little sad to dangerously suicidal. Everything is a possibility. It will end, and they know that, but sometimes it hurts too bad and unfortunately, not everyone makes it. The best thing you can do is be understanding. Let them lead, and be there. A silent hand can mean more than a thousand constructive words.

Sometimes it also involves self-harm. It is very important to realize that this is not always about death. There are many reasons that people may harm themselves, and death is only a fraction. I can't speak for others, but for me it was always about healing. I can't see my brain, and I can't see what is wrong. Nothing bleeds, nothing breaks, there is no swelling or fainting, no red blotches or bad smells. Outside, nothing is wrong with me. Inside, there is a vicious and bloody war. So, a small mark on the skin has nothing to do with the pain it causes. Nothing to do with attention from others. In fact, I'd rather they not see. I go to lengths to make sure they don't know this is a part of me. But when I look at the red line, I can see it bleed. I can see it throb. And then I can see the blood clot. I can see the scab fall off. I can see the redness fade. I can see the skin heal. Where I can't see the wound in my head, the wound on my arm helps me visualize the process of getting better.

The very most important thing to keep in mind during any phase for you and those you love is this: You are not alone. There are people out there, and if you begin to feel yourself slipping, reach out for help.

  • National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
  • Online Chat Lifeline
  • UK Hotline: 08457909090
  • Canada (English): 18662773553
  • Canada (French): 5147234000
  • Other International Lines

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About the Creator

Willa White

Willa White is a 27 year old diagnosed with Bipolar. She has a Masters in Health Psychology, and is what you might call professionally nuts. She's here to destroy stigmas and hand out first person info on what it means to be insane.

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