The "A" Word

It started as soon as I was bored. Every human being is most likely addicted to something during some point of their lives. Whether it be a person, a type of food, a tv show, or of course a substance, addictions occur in numerous varieties.

As a child I was always attached to my mother. I think many children form some type of close connection and addiction to their mothers at an early age. They are the ones we feel an instant bond with especially after being inside of them for 9 months. A child and mother bond is often one that cannot be broken. Sadly for me, this was not the case.

When I was very young my mom was not around much. I always wondered where my parents were and why I always had a different nanny coming around to pick me up from school or cook me dinner. I was like this since I was the age of 2 until I reached around 5 years old. I did not know any different and I thought all families had nannies and that this was the norm. It was not until I got a bit older that I realized my family life was not the normal at all. All my friends had close knit families where both parents played an equal part in the raising of their children. In my house, my dad would come home round 6pm to eat supper with us and tuck us into bed. My mom was always gone.

As a young girl, not having a mother around was very challenging. Looking back on it now I feel as though I had to grow up a lot faster then my friends because I felt I had a role to fill in my household as the only woman in the home. I often took on the role of helping my brothers and cooking food for the family because I thought it was my responsibility. My dad did all he could to make sure my brothers and I had support when needed but he was still always busy working full days to financially support us as well.

My mom was not always gone permanently. Sometimes she would be gone a day or two and sometimes she would not be home for weeks. It was never a consistent schedule with her until one day she was gone for months. I was older at this point and I knew this was not normal. I knew my dad did not like to talk about my mom so I took matters into my own hands and went to my grandma to ask about the situation.

Rehab. My mom was in rehab for the past few months. I could not believe that for years I had no idea where my mom was always disappearing to. I always assumed she just did not want to be a mother and was out and about doing her own thing. I always thought my parents relationship was bad and that was why she would never come around but in reality she was going off to get high.

I wanted my mom to get better and my grandma would try to explain to me that getting better was exactly what she was trying to do. My mom did get better, but, it was always only a matter of time with her until she went of the rails again.

My mom actually was able to get sober. She has now been sober for 6 years. I am close with her and love her very much but nothing can seem to make up for the hurt she caused me during the early parts of my life.

Because of her, I had no friend. None of the other parents wanted their children hanging out with someones whose mother was a drug addict.

My brother struggles with addiction. My friends struggle with addiction. My significant others have struggled with addictions. And, I have struggled my whole life with the results from loved ones having addictions.