The Beauty of Being Both

Everyone has unique and individual ways of recharging their energy. For the longest time, I thought I gained my energy from being around people. I am social, and friendly, I like to hang out, and go on adventures with others. But as I have gotten older and become more aware of my spiritual, mental, and emotional needs, I have realized that I am most fulfilled, and feel the most recharged when I am by myself. There's a certain kind of peace that comes with simply being in your own company—and enjoying it. It wasn't easy for me to get to this mental state. Like I said, I love being around people, and hanging out, so coming to the realization that I even could be alone (and love it!) was pretty astounding. Once I grasped it, though, it became my safe place.

So how does that work exactly?

Am I an introvert at heart who can put on a fake face, and have fun in a group of people?

Or am I an extrovert who likes to reel back in from time to time, and have some peace and quiet?

These questions filled my head. I didn't feel like I fit well in either the extrovert or introvert stereotype. I felt a little lost.

Until I discovered a beautiful word.

Ambivert.

An ambivert is someone whose personality has a balance of extroverted and introverted features. They adapt to their surroundings accordingly. So, for example, in a low intensity atmosphere, an ambivert will appear as an introvert—quiet, slightly withdrawn, observant. And in a high energy environment, they will allow their extroverted side to peep out, full of enthusiasm and friendliness. Fascinating.

This was me.

I was so excited to finally find a description of myself that I could read and say, "Yes! This identifies me!"

Here are a few ways I discovered more about my ambivert side. Maybe you can relate? Or know of someone whose personality echoes these traits?

1. I like people... but I love my alone time.

While I do enjoy doing things in group settings, meeting new people, and interacting with interesting individuals, I also love doing things on my own—such as hiking, going to concerts, traveling out of state or country, and shopping. I enjoy going out, vibing with others, and being in high energy environments, but I set expiration times. I have discovered that if I can't have time to sit alone with myself, I won't be my highest self around others. Some people find this odd. I find it unique.

2. I like meeting new people... but I don't like shallow relationships.

I am fascinated by humans. We are each so rare and intriguing. And I would rather have a one-on-one conversation with someone than to mingle at a party, and have random, meaningless chit chat with multiple people I will most likely never see again. I would rather have a connection with one person in an evening, than to meet fifty. I don't like small talk, and I save my deep topics for fellow humans who I feel safe in having those special conversations with.

3. I try to maintain a peaceful aura... but I also have a wild side.

People have told me that I have a calming presence, but then others tell me I am a bit of a firecracker. This can be tricky when it comes to group hang outs.

4. I feel like I am easy to understand... but sometimes, only by certain people.

I know that I can be pretty difficult to understand logically sometimes, but if someone takes the time to comprehend my personality at a soul level, they would have a much better grasp of who I am.

5. I can confidently adapt to my surroundings... but can get overwhelmed by large groups.

I am extremely intuitive. I am sensitive, in the way of feeling the energies and emotions of those around me. I can step into a room, and immediately know what everyone around me is feeling. This can get overwhelming if I'm not careful with how I handle it. Sometimes I need to do a mental check, and remind myself to let others' energies flow off, like water droplets on a swan's back.

If I am around people who I would not normally choose to hang out with, I tend to be quiet and withdrawn. If I know that they don't have the same lifestyle and mindset that I do, I don't vocalize my personality as much as I would in a setting with like-minded humans. Interacting with people who don't understand me or respect my points of view is extremely exhausting, so I don't waste my time trying to connect with them. I enjoy learning about others' occupations and their hobbies, and I will show genuine interest in what they share with me, but if I know that we are very different creatives, then I will most likely not divulge personal information with them.

I have also found that I am very confident in almost any type of environment. I can rely on my extroverted side to help start up and carry on conversations, avoid awkward situations, and keep the energy high. I can also rely on my introverted side to connect with socially awkward people, and help create a safe and less chaotic place.

To anyone who has wondered if they are bipolar, or have a double-sided personality, chances are you may just have an ambivert tendency. I would encourage you to look into this possibility, and learn more about yourself. Study the beauty of being both, and embrace it as a beautiful identity.