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The Beginning of Anxiety

My Story

                                         ANXIETY and DEPRESSION

You were the warmth I clung onto when I was freezing cold. Trying to rewire my brain from all the chaos that recently happened. You were my light at the end of the tunnel. The tunnel of figuring out who I am . The world I left because the pain was too much to bear. I was trying to drown myself but I kept coming up for air . Each breath I was crying out for help but no one was listening. Finally I realized that I wasn't meant to go, then I just stayed afloat. Thinking the waves would take me to a better place but the sight of the clouds took me to a darker space... 

At the age of 15 anxiety and depression took control of my life. I never knew that life could be that hard. Its like your own personal hell that knows you better than you know yourself. I remember being terrified of things I didn't even know existed. My thoughts weren't mine anymore. My mind was only supposed to have my thoughts, so when Mr.Depression and Mrs.Anxiety came along I was no longer in control of myself. I was aware of everything happening and when I tried to say something I was silenced and punished with them screaming horrible things in my head which resulted in me screaming and crying. 

I was finally given daily medication I was told that was going to help and the famous Xanax. A couple of weeks after starting the medication I began to feel relief. I was so excited to be having my mind back, tho I still didn't feel completely normal. I didn't find joy in the things I previously did. The trauma from having my mind taken away left me with a different look on life. Dark, gory and sad things caught my attention. I got so used to being sad and lonely that my happiness changed. My happiness was looking at sad things and listening to melancholy music but I didn't feel sad. It was like I learn to make sad happy. Sadly after a while anxiety started to creep back into my daily life so I took Xanax more frequently not knowing I could get addicted. 

Taking one pill:

The wave of relaxation and comfort my lovely white pill gave me made me fall deeply in love. It was like walking around in a world of fog with everything that made me feel at home. I felt more normal than ever. I was living in a world that was specifically made for me. After having everything taken away I was amazed that the totally opposite could be possible, so I kept going back for more. 

                                                           ADDICTED

                                                                                                      Maya Angelique.

"Parts that didn't make the cut"

It was like screaming in front of thousands of people but they cant hear what your saying

You were something I didn't wanna let go of. I started to find happiness in you and that left me more broken than I was before. The way I poured myself into you was effortlessly at the time you asked me a question and my answer could've changed everything but i guess that's just how things go.

My second year as a teenager anxiety sunk its claws into me and has been latched on ever since. In the very beginning it was a very abusive one-sided relationship. She had me in tears, hyperventilating constantly . I was in constant fear of when she was going to attack again. The only time that I could feel normal and at peace was when sleep would sweep me off my feet and hold me in his arms until I got heavy. As time went on I found my voice and started to stand up to her and she didn't like that at all. My thoughts she took for her own. I felt myself trying to keep up with all the changes, learning to cope with all her wicked doings. 

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The Beginning of Anxiety
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