The Bottom

I would not call myself a particularly strong person. I'm easily discouraged and have a hard time motivating myself. Saying that, I know when things are tough that I have to persevere and push through, but it's been tough. I lost my job and have almost no way to contribute income, the job hunt has been rocky at best. Don't get me wrong, I have been trying; applying, calling, hoping, wishing. I have been worried and stressed, wondering if I'm going to be able to keep a roof over my head. I don't worry about food too much, I've just pretty much been living on bread and butter for a while now. It's been tough, I want to make sure everything gets better, I want to help put food in the house, I want to be able to take my dog to the vet without crying my eyes out about the chance I can't pay the bill. I've been trying to stay positive, to remind myself that it will get better, then another bill comes in. I am at the bottom of a well calling up hoping that someone will hear me, someone will throw me a rope and help me up. Because these walls are wet and every time I grip, the edges I fall off. I went to college and got my Bachelors degree, and I'm not sure how to step into the world of the job I want. I have applied to over 50 places in the past month and simply get the same response: We are going to pursue candidates who meet our requirements more. This is disheartening, especially when one of those places is a fast food restaurant.

My issues have been stemming from the loss of my job. I was fired. Not for anything bad, no, I was fired for not being present at an employee meeting. I let my boss know as soon as I found out about the meeting I had a previous engagement, something I had planned two weeks in advance. It would have been the first time I wouldn't have been in to work. The first time... I had only been late once as well due to an issue with my ride to work, my boss drove me in and was late picking me up. Other than that I was always early, sometimes by over 30 minutes. I had worked my ass off that previous Sunday before being fired. Trying so hard to make the store look good because we were going to have an inspection the day after. I worked overnights, 10 PM to 6 AM, 11:30 PM to 5 AM alone, in the middle of nowhere. If an emergency happened it would probably be five minutes before help arrived, and that was if I could call for help. Traffic at night was few and far between, sometimes two hours would go by and no one would come around. I am 5' 2" and a girl. I was alone for many hours with my only protection being some pepper spray on my key chain. Our front doors didn't notify us that people came in, we had personal alarms, but they were nearly five years old. It wasn't a pleasant experience. But I worked hard, I simply smiled and talked to those strange people who were up at three in the morning wanting smokes. Apparently, I did something wrong, something that got me fired? I notified my manager almost a week in advance, but that wasn't good enough. All I can hope for is for that rope to come. To help me out of the well and back into the light. After all, once you hit rock bottom the only way to go is up, right?