The Broken Ones

When I started thinking things cannot get worse...it got worse. I just wanted to obtain a mind of peace, purity and positivity, but my thoughts never cross happiness. I've never had a time where I can say "I am happy." If I ever did, I lied. My soul feels dark, I feel ashamed of my body, I feel heartless and emotionless, and I never feel good enough. I'm never able to express myself in ways that others can understand. It's an awful feeling to be alone in a world full of darkness and pain. So I ask myself, "what's the point of trying to go on with life if all I live is heartache and misery?" I've tried over a thousand different things to become a happy and more positive person, but nothing seems to work. I've been let down by those who I called friends, by those I trusted the most, by those whom I loved, and even those who are told to be my family members.

All I've asked for in life is to sustain self-love and be loved by the world. Nobody will ever understand how it feels to be me for a day. Nobody will understand the pain I go through and how hard it is to fake a smile every day just to watch others smile back. Sometimes I wished I was someone else, because I don't like being myself at times. I feel like being myself is the worst thing in history, due to the fact that others around me judge the smallest things about a person. I feel replaceable...as if I'm worth nothing. Everyday I hate myself twice as much as I did before. The pain feels so permanent, it feels forever. I don't understand how people live their lives the way they do, I don't understand how they can be so happy in life and be so careless at times, I don't understand how their lives look so easy and simple to live, while mine is massively frustrating. Sometimes I don't want to be alive. Sometimes I don't want to keep pushing. Sometimes I don't want to keep trying. Sometimes I just wish I was dead. Maybe if I was dead I'd be loved more than I am now that I'm alive. People are so fake and ignorant that they tend to cry their eyes out and feel a needle crossing their hearts when someone is gone, but has never shown them the love they need every day.

People crave comfort and trust, sadly those around us don't please us with that. Instead of spreading love to one another life shows us to hate and argue with each other. I hate the world. I hate how life works. I envy those who are happy. I envy those who smile every day without a care to the world. I envy those who finally found their true love and can be happy forever. The definition of happiness is joy in ones soul which is something I've never felt. My soul feels dark, lost, and I feel like I will not be able to find my soul and make it pure.

Love is the motivation for all those whom feel broken into a million pieces, but when a person feels extremely cold to the point where they have reached rock bottom... they no longer feel affection the way they want to feel it.