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To some, perhaps from the outside of the box looking in, spiritual awakening could look like someone is actually losing their grasp on "reality." The truth is, they are seeing with new eyes that the world around them is overflowing with pain, injustice, separation, and confusion. It is palpable in the air, it can no longer be ignored because the weight of it feels so real on the chest. Then, the mysterious ache that has always lurked deep in the heart becomes apparent...this is the source of that misplaced pain. I am one of the one's here to bring this darkness to light—to join a team of millions (possibly billions) of others like me that want to restore love and harmony on this planet.
Such a noble mission sounds like it would be simple...just love the others, remind them who they are—love and light... Easy, right? But no. It takes experiencing the experiences that stole the light from the others to truly understand the darkness that lurks within them, within the collective consciousness on this planet. I spent a great deal of my life up to this point victimizing myself, cursing at the sky for the hand of cards that I'd been dealt. I felt betrayed, abandoned, and confused. As a child, I faced abuse, neglect...I felt hunger, I felt the sting of the cold and the heat of the summer, I've felt violated and ashamed, I've felt a thousand different breaks in this heart of mine, and I've felt completely alone in this entire Universe. When I began to awaken, I started to see the role every bit of this had in creating the woman that I am...but before I would be able to see this, I would have to hike the highest, coldest, loneliest mountain that I could've imagined. It was time to start trekking on the journey through the darkest parts of my own Soul. "The Dark Night of the Soul" as referred to by many.
This period of my life lasted for about a year and a half. I had an excessive amount of unresolved trauma to process and it was beyond my understanding in those moments that I was actually healing myself during this devastating period of disconnection. It was as if I had to completely unplug myself from the world so that I could plug back into ME. Man, did I want to give up...many, many times. I did not believe I had the strength to face these raw parts of my Soul, now or ever. I plead for the courage to release myself from this plane of existence because I had just become so lost in this vortex of pain that I truly didn't see a day I'd regain the strength to climb back out.
The most important thing that occurred to me during the dark night of my soul is that I chose this. I needed each and every experience that I've endured to feel the compassion I have for others, the empathy, the desire to create a just and loving reality for all. If I had never felt first-hand some of the things that are so wrong in this world, how would I be able to be a powerful advocate for what is right? To heal that trauma within myself, I was also assisting in the healing of the collective consciousness. I was making a conscious effort to understand and shatter toxic cycles, putting a halt to the generational inheritance of trauma. Looking back, I recall this as a time of the complete removal of all malignant programs that had been ingrained in me by society over time. The facade of politics, fear mongering in the media, the deep state waging wars using human beings as pawns to generate and sustain low frequency emotions in the collective consciousness. A process of understanding that what looked like a society gone rogue, was actually the result of people unable to cope in such chaos and injustice.
I wish I would've had someone to explain to me what was happening, to tell me that I wasn't alone or going crazy. But I didn't, and perhaps that's why I am here sharing my story with you. If you are enduring the dark right now, I want you to know two things; I love you and respect the hell out of your courage, and you will come out of this with a fiery passion and ability to heal and love the world around you, on an unconditional atomic level. You must allow yourself to completely feel what needs to be healed. Be gentle and patient with yourself because one step forward is still moving forward. You are incredibly strong and important.
So please, just hang in there. It will all make sense soon.
"Just commit to evolving, I'll meet you there."