The Reality of Being Mentally Ill

By the age of 15, I was depressed.

By the age of 16, I began to self harm.

By the age of 17, I was suicidal.

I know what you must be thinking —

“Oh that’s just a phase.”

“Well, this is just for attention.”

“We all were at one point.”

“Ugh, it’s another one of those stories.”

“You’re crazy, really crazy.”

“Get over it, don’t be stupid.”

— so, don’t bother telling me. I’m fully aware. Thanks.

Now, let me explain a little bit more to you before we move on. Not only do I battle chronic depression, I also fight social/general anxiety, anorexia, self harm, and suicidal thoughts.

So that’s just a briefing of my past. I am now a 20-year-old mentally ill piece of shit. Woohoo!

Why don’t I go to therapy? Well, not only do I work two part time jobs and run a small business on the side, I am also a full time college student. Wow. Who knew?

In case it isn’t clear, I don’t have the time to go to a therapist on a regular bases. I have tried, but I can’t make it work.

Besides, I hated therapy. I went for almost two years, and it didn’t make a difference for me. I tried every single technique and trick that my therapist knew, but my shrink just couldn’t help me. It was hopeless.

Although I know I should see a therapist, it’s just not worth my time. Sorry.

I am on medication to try and control my mental issues; however, anyone who has ever been on antidepressants, knows they aren’t magic pills.

Now, for those of you who are ignorant assholes, antidepressants won’t magically cure our illness. They are not little fairies with magic wands that go “Bibity Bobity Boop! You’re mentally stable now!” No, antidepressants help make our illness a little bit more manageable so that we can sort of continue like a healthy person would.

By taking my meds, like they’re my religion, I am able to work my two jobs, continue my small on-the-side business, and get my college degree.

However; I still go into major depressive episodes. I still self harm every so often. I still have panic attacks. I am a bit of an alcoholic. I still have anorexic tendencies. I still have mental breakdowns. I still have major depression induced naps. I am still suicidal.

So my lovely people, antidepressants are obviously not a cure! Please get that through your thick skulls!

This is just the beginning of this discussion. Trust me, I will certainly continue my story with you all. Why? Well, I just want to make sure people like myself know they are not alone. Mental health is kicking my ass, and it’s okay if your mental health is kicking your ass too! It’s just a matter of making yourself get that little bit of revenge on our asshole brains by accomplishing even the smallest things on a daily basis! Today, for instance, I actually woke up from a depression induced nap, and decided to take my dog for a short walk. I’m proud.

Anywho, it’s late. I work in the morning, and my sleeping pills are starting to work. I will share part two with you all tomorrow night.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for relating. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for learning.

If you didn’t like this, thank you and go away.

Goodnight.