The Road to Recovery

I don't know if this road is a road less traveled, or a road walked on by many, but I do know that this road will take me to a beautiful place, and the journey, just as wonderful. I am 22 years old, and I am 70 days clean from all mind altering substances. 5 years ago, I found methamphetamine, a demon of a drug, a crystal shard recipe for disaster. I remember the day I held a hot flame under that glass bowl, and inhaled my first breathe of the insidious, black hole of a life that I lived for so long. I thought that I had found true euphoria. I thought that for the first time, I had clarity and peace of mind. Really, I had found my master, and I was now it's slave.

4 months after that first hit, I was living in a stranger's home, begging for money, and alone with the darkness of my intoxicated mind. I thought that everyone was going to hurt me, and I had forgotten who I was. I did things for meth that no one in their right mind would do for all the money in the world. I stayed high, and I stayed insane, entirely removed from reality. My life consisted of daily meth use, stealing, lying, violence, and severe psychosis. I would stay awake for weeks at a time, living in a terrifying altered reality. I was controlled by the constant fear that people knew what I was doing, and were after me. I truly believed that the world knew all of my secrets, and I was a show for everyone to see. My worst memory during the years of my using, was when I experienced a psychotic break from lack of sleep, and for hours, I was living in a completely different world, until I finally crashed.

I remember it was three o'clock in the morning, and I was sitting on my bed, having duck taped my bedroom door shut, and was waiting, paranoid and afraid. I don't know what or who exactly it was that I was waiting for, but eventually, they arrived. I watched three black shadow figures walk right through my door, as if they were ghosts. They sat down on the bed with me and told me we were going to leave the house, and that I needed to follow them. I was terrified, confused, and desperate for help, so I followed them, hoping maybe they could save me. We walked out of my house, and down the street, until we reached a park, where I suddenly felt aware of their purpose for bringing me there, and left their side to lay amongst the grass, in the middle of a field. As I lay looking at the stars, I saw a figure appear in the sky, who spoke to me and said, "This is not where you are meant to be. This world is for those who no longer wish to move forward, and live in this chaos in search of self destruction. This is not where you are meant to be."

4 years later, as I sat beneath a tree, crying for the life I had lost, I found the courage to ask for help. I contacted my mother, a recovering alcoholic, and told her I needed treatment, something, anything but this. That day I was admitted to chandler valley hope, a safe haven for people like me, where I began my never ending travel down the most rewarding road I would ever walk. The road of recovery.

Today I know who I am. I am alive and happy. I am a spiritual being filled with gratitude for the gift I have been given. I will live the rest of my life, one day at a time, living by the principles that freed me from the slavery of addiction, always passing the message, so that another lost soul can find their way home.