The Shit That Nobody Tells You About Having OCD

I’m not here to preach to you. I don’t expect to change the world or alter the perception of OCD in the popular consciousness. I’m not here to step up on my soapbox and bullshit until everyone feels guilty enough to agree with me. I’m here to talk to you. Yes, you, recently diagnosed obsessive-compulsive.

It might have taken them months or even years to figure it out. God knows it did for me. But, however you or doctors may have come to the conclusion, you now are aware that you have OCD. Maybe you took it upon yourself to Google "OCD" and came up with my article on page 38, roughly. Good for you, you fucking weirdo. Who looks past page 3, anyway? Regardless, it’s always good to be informed, even if nobody can know as well as you do what’s happening to you. That, in fact, is bullet point 1 (woo-hoo, segues sure are fun).

1. People are gonna try to tell you how you feel and what’s going on in your head.

You, in response, should tell them to shove it.

“Yeah, well, my mom has OCD, and—“

“Shove it.”

“You don’t actually NEED to—“

“Shove it.”

“I think we all have a little bit of OCD some—“

“Shove it.”

Works every time. Nobody knows exactly what you’re going through except for you. Nobody knows what it’s like to be you. Don’t let them fucking act like it.

2. You’ll start noticing that non-OCD people call themselves OCD a lot, and you’re gonna have to make a choice whether to call them out or not.

I’ve mentioned my OCD offhandedly and had someone reply that she, too, had OCD, since she liked all the money in the cash drawer to be facing the same way. I, personally, could not give less of a fuck what way the money in the cash drawer is facing. That time, though, I didn’t respond. Sometimes you have to pick your battles. No matter how much those comments make your blood boil, if you go for the jugular every time you hear some stupid shit, you’re just gonna end up exhausted. And speaking of exhausted (I’m killing it with the segues today)...

3. OCD is fucking draining.

Wash hands. Sit down. Accidentally breathe on hands. Scream “fuck,” internally or externally, depending on the company. Stand up. Wash hands. Sit down. Accidentally touch the mouth part of the water bottle while you’re capping it. Stand up. Wash hands. Sit down. Now you have to pee, which means another wasted 15 minutes getting yourself clean. It’s a miracle that I ever get anything done.

Not all OCD people wash their hands compulsively, of course. But having obsessions and compulsions, two-thirds of the OCD acronym, is, in itself, exhausting. Obsessions consume your every thought for a short or long amount of time. Sometimes they feel like they’ll never end, but they will. They have to. Many, you’re just gonna have to wait out. You’ll be spending a decent amount of time being extremely uncomfortable. Get used to it.

4. Obsessive-compulsives are the most creative people you will ever meet in your life. Be proud of it.

You know by now that compulsions suck ass. They’re time consuming. They’re annoying. Sometimes, they physically harm you. So, we cope by avoiding them as much as we can. I pick trash up with my feet, open doors with my elbows, and avoid anything possibly contaminated like the plague just so I don’t have to be running back and forth to and from the bathroom. When I figure out how to do something without setting off my OCD, I feel like a million bucks. So should you. You’re absolutely brilliant for going through every day with your illness, your very brain adamantly working against you.

5. In the words of my favorite superhero, Matt Murdock, “No one can give you your life back...You gotta take it back.”

There are times when all of us, whether we want to admit it or not, will feel ourselves sinking into despair. It comes with the territory. I’m not gonna give you the “it gets better” shit that I’m sure you’ve head from every doctor, every therapist, every online recovery board you’ve scrolled through trying to make sense of yourself. That’s not me. That’s not my place. But here’s the truth: it won’t get better if you just do nothing. Nobody’s going to save you. Help you, support you, maybe. But not save you. You have to be strong enough to save yourself.

And you, unnamed, anonymous, recently diagnosed obsessive-compulsive? You are strong enough.