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Day 36 11/23/2018
TRIGGER WARNING: Please be cautious before continuing to read.
Hello my dear loving humans. Welcome back to our journey (This is not just my journey, we are in this together). We are officially on day 36. Sure the number 36 may seem small, but if you think of it this way, we now have 36 days of advice to get through life. So here is my continuation to prove this isn’t just a “10 steps to make your life better” and then never pick up this topic again. So today I have a serious topic to address, but I also want to go back to journaling, and our random acts of kindness. I know as I write more and more of these, they become longer and too much information to put on Instagram. Or if someone is struggling and needs advice with this very topic immediately, reading a book isn’t the best way to approach that situation. So let’s begin.
I have never liked the term hypocrite. If I was ever given that label, I would punish myself (Stop right there. Don’t punish yourself, work on yourself. Okay continue). I wasn’t being true to myself, I was a liar, and it was extremely difficult to make people believe me. I’m sure you have heard the quote, “we’re just suicidal kids telling other kids not to commit suicide.” Sound familiar? It became a quote the internet loved to share. So many people connected with it, but did it really help the situation? No, I mean, you have society taking that quote and putting us down because they think it’s just for attention. But it also doesn’t offer advice. It’s like saying, “you’re not alone,” and then never talking to that person ever again. We have a serious problem.
I gave people advice while I was suicidal. Some of it was actually pretty great advice, and some of it was pretty bad. Do you know how dangerous it is to give advice to someone when you are not in a healthy mindset yourself? Those who are suicidal but don’t really plan on dying will take that advice and think it's saving them, when it could be something completely toxic. Here is an example: People would ask for for advice on self harm. “I need to cut, but I know it’s bad for you. What can I do?” I would tell people I cut myself on my thigh because no one would see it and it’s safer than slitting your wrists. So if I absolutely had to cut, I would do it there.
So I thought I was genuinely helping people because it was “safer” than doing it another way. Do you see how awful that advice is? So where am I getting at? Surely we want to tell people, “Please DO NOT commit suicide.” But as I have gone over, it’s not just saying something, it’s the advice we give. So they could say, “Well you want to kill yourself too so I don’t see what the problem is?” and then it puts you in a tough position because we care about the lives around us, we just don’t care about our own lives like we should. Okay, so we get put in this position where we need to give advice now. And then I’d say something along the lines of, “Well when I want to end my life I simply just rant about it in a journal, oh yeah well I did cut myself to release endorphins, I cry myself to sleep hoping someone will hear my prayers, and so on.” We think we are helping them saying we will get through it together, but really we just gave some pretty awful advice because we are still stuck in the dark place ourselves.
- We don’t want journaling to become a negative coping skill.
- We should never encourage self harm. DO NOT tell people it’s okay if they do it a certain way.
- Even though many people do it, crying yourself to sleep every night is not healthy at all.
So what do we do? Honestly, if someone comes up to you and says they are suicidal, get a trusted adult involved, provide hotline numbers, mental health apps, or look up professionals in your area that could possibly help your friend. I know you’re probably told this in school, but so many of us honestly don’t know how to help others, especially when we can’t help ourselves. And we also have to keep in mind that we cannot save everyone. Yes suicide prevention is everyone’s responsibility, and that can simply mean offering someone hotline numbers. We are not professionals. If you feel like you can’t handle a certain situation by yourself, get someone you trust involved. DO NOT take everything on your shoulders.
So that brings the question. I don’t want to get someone else involved because then that person would know I’m suicidal too. Suicide shouldn’t be a secret. I know getting help is an extremely scary process, but I promise you it is worth it. So many of you have reached out to me, I know deep down, you care about living. Find me and others on Wisdo if you need someone to talk to. You are not alone.
I’ve been scared to talk about you publicly because not everyone believes in you. I don’t want people to think I’m shoving my opinions and beliefs down their throats. But I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for helping me find another job. Thank you for introducing me to some great people these past few months. Thank you for mending my friendships. Thank you for keeping me safe with a man who isn’t with me for my body. Thank you for keeping me alive. Thank you for helping me become a better person. I love you, God.
Random acts of kindness:
- Offered advice to the world
- Ate a proper meal today
- Expressed my love for others
- Started my Reflect Love Back daily journal