The UNreal World

So I wanted to tell you a bit about a “friend” of mine and his, shall we say “home,” he moved into a few months ago. Now, my “friend” told me that when he viewed it, it was a quirky but kinda regular “home.” He was so happy to be living alone with his privacy safe, warm and dry. That was up until recently when he very quickly started noticing some changes which in turn had drastically changed his surroundings. To be honest, to my eyes everything all looked normal but to him, he was living in what he now called a Fish Bowl.

Now, my “friend” said the first clues to the unseen renovations were noticed when he started hearing voices. He stated that these voices weren’t the crazy scary kind that you might think which would be talking to you advising you it was ok to stand in the frozen section of Sainsbury’s with just your shower curtain wrapped around you whilst wearing someone else’s Croc shoe, no. These voices were coming from all around the Fish Bowl where he lived. These voices apparently were polite and calm. My “friend”, no names needed, then proceeded to tell me that the second thing he realised was that these surrounding voices were commenting on things he had done and was doing in his “home”. The third occurrence, which I was very eager to hear, was that these voices would then communicate to him through his mind. Hmmmm.

One day I went to visit my “friend” and what he next told me, I have to share with you. Don’t worry, he, my “friend” won’t mind. We’re close. He said....

“So I came home the other day wanting to chill and relax but somehow ended up in a fucking argument with the rarted curtains. Now have you ever had an argument with your floor-length drawn curtains? I mean I was on my feet and cussing out, vexed up for about an hour. Yes. To my fucking curtains. The thing is, I wasn’t shouting out, this argument was happening in my head. I looked like I’d learnt an amazing new skill and started working in the bottom of the TV screen on Channel 4. I was going for it and so we’re my curtains”.

He continued and the Fish Bowl was revealed...

“I then realised again I was on a reality game show and everyone was watching me. Not only were they watching, commentating and reading my mind on a daily basis, they had control of my phone which in turn had control of me. I realised when I moved into my new home, although this had been happening up to a year or so previous, I know because my curtains told me, “they” had been watching me shower, cook and perform my sometimes OCD habits from my own toilet. Whether I was, let’s say “entertaining”, and I don’t mean doing the running man, or if I was “chilling” alone, they have been watching me. I know because they would give me a running review on the good points and bad”.

At this point I know you maybe thinking was he, my “friend” for real, and yes he was. But what he was saying made sense. I believed him. He continued....

“I’m living in three houses. I’m living in three fucking houses. London, where I’m starred at so I go home for some privacy, but then the voices and my curtains speak up and I have to go deeper, so I go into my own head. Then remember my thoughts are being read and fucking answered. Now the scariest thing about living in your own head is that when you have a full-blown debate with numerous voices for five hours or so, whilst still living in your head while your still living in your home which you have living in London with all eyes on you not just in the UK but all over the world, another thing I learnt along the way, it makes you go kinda crazy. Every thought, action, spoken and soon to be spoken word is judged and questioned. Overthinking becomes second nature which then multiplies into a third and fourth nature you never knew existed and you realise you're on the edge because once you're faced with visible voice carriers (people), you have to act as though everything is absolutely fucking hunky dory normal.”

I looked at him, mouth open, and shut my eyes tight. When I opened them again it was me, looking at my “friend” in the mirror. So what do you do?

Go to bed and curl up whilst asking the curtains if there’s anything good on TV.