The Ways I Deal With My Depression

I have reached a stage in my life that I would not even wish upon my best or worst enemy. I am 62 and I am going through changes that I never imagined in my entire life. Some can be dealt with while the majority of them cannot. Most of them are the result of my earlier decisions while the rest are the results of things way beyond my control. No matter how I look at it, I must deal with them.....alone.

At the start of my day, no matter how well I plan, I really do not know what to expect. On a sunny day after I have said my prayers, I go outside. Sometimes, I tend to the lawn. Most of the time, however, I look at the sky and wonder what fate will have in store for me that day. Obviously, I won't know until I try. It is like being blindfolded and taking a sip from the glass in front of you. Will I be drinking soda, tea, coffee, water or....poison? I won't know until I risk a discovery.

The first thing I will do is declare that day to be a mental health day. That is a day where I will take the time to charge the batteries in my feeble mind. Mental health means that whatever is on the schedule that is not financially important to me can be moved aside until I am ready to go on with my day. Usually (99 percent of the time), it involves a great deal of retrospection. I just lost my parents and my sister before them. So now, I am already three strikes down in the game of life. Part of my retrospection takes me out of my selfishness to realize that my parents went through this as well. Yes, they lost their parents during my lifetime. How did they deal with it? Sometimes, they had a drink. Sometimes, they had friends over. Sometimes, they got out of the house for a while. They just never let on to what they were going through. Me? I have to deal with it in my own way somehow.

The next thing I would do is to hop into my Jeep and just go for a ride—mostly local. It is my mental health ride. I drive around the neighborhood. I find it much better, however, to go to neighborhoods that are different from my own. I prefer to drive through a neighborhood where I wish to live. In my case, that would be in the area where I attended college. It is nice and open. I don't have to live with the ghosts of my past even though I went to school there. It is a welcome relief for me. My ride in this fuel-efficient vehicle will drain about a quarter of a tank of gas, but it is well worth it.

One stop I make in my ride is to an outdoor parking garage. Once there, I shut off my Jeep, get out (on a sunny and warm day), and look westward. In this case, at the Manhattan skyline. Once I am doing it, I just dream for a while. I dream about what was, what is, and what could have been. If it is not pleasant enough to stand outside, I will sit in my quiet Jeep and do the same, or I will read a newspaper or just write based on my feelings at the moment. I do my best writing in those quiet moments. Being in such a solitary location allows me to be alone with my feelings. I can just sit and contemplate for as long as I desire, which is usually for two or three hours a day. Another thing I will do is just talk out loud to myself. Does it look like I am crazy? Who will know? I am alone and that is how I like it.

Finally, another thing I will do is reach out to friends. You really have to know who your friends are. Your real friends are willing to listen to you and offer advice that shows they really want to help you. Your other "friends" will not. Faux friends will try to shut you down in some way. They don't want to hear about what bothers you. They will chase you away or say things in order to give you the impression that they are too busy or too involved in their own lives to make any time to help you. I can't help you tell the difference. You will have to find that out on your own. Me? I have excellent friends. I can always call, text or visit them if I need help and I make it extremely important to reciprocate their kindness as well. That is why they are my friends and in my inner circle.

You could also go to a psychologist, but at $100 an hour, how often could you afford to go for a visit? Friendship—true friendship—costs nothing, but the returns are priceless. Think about it.

What I DON'T do is drink, indulge in recreational drugs, or rely on medication. Why? Some of these things can lead you to bad judgments such as driving while impaired. Such an action may not only harm you, but it can also harm others. The whole idea behind this discourse is to help clear your head, not foul it up with garbage. Using such stuff harms your ability to use good judgment. Stay away from the stuff. You can do so much better.

Make time for yourself. Life is not a game. There is no reset button. There are no chances to do life over again much better the next time. You only get a one time opportunity. There is no number count. You can't tell if you are winning or losing. You just feel some proverbial weight on your shoulders. You need to stop once in a while to unload some weight or to just stop to take a deep breath. You need it. When a car is driven beyond its limits, it will either wear out OR the parts will fail thus leaving the engine to self-destruct. You don't want to be an overworked engine. Cemeteries are filled with two types of people who were not murdered or accidentally killed. For those who died a natural death, you have those who died young and those who died much older. Those who died young probably left us because life crushed them with so many worries that they could not take it anymore. That could be you. I certainly, however, hope not.

I am not a doctor. I am not pretending to be one, either. I just wanted to share with you how I deal with it. My ideas may help you or they may not help you, but it doesn't hurt to try them out.

Be well, my friends.