She enters the room, surrounded by an aura that’s nearly palpable. Tattoos cover 75 percent of her skin, some sport neon colors while other are shades of grey and black. Her body is worn and looks as though it could blow away if the wind gust happens to be slightly too strong. Wrinkles on her face, neck, and hands reveal the stress and experiences she has encountered through her life. Years of cigarettes and experimental partying along with birthing five children have taken their toll on the mind and spirit of this once bright-eyed woman.
She will tell you that she has been to Hell and shook the Devil’s hand before returning with a smile. Her eyes have seen things some people only witness in their worst nightmares; from significant others dying to witnessing her father pass from cancer, mental trauma is abundant in the psyche of this woman. Heartbreak and misfortune plague her past. Between losing her father at 17 and her children at 30, many days are spent regretting what should have been done. She fought her demons many times, and in some battles, she was not the victor. She once climbed up a pine tree to avoid the cops, only to reveal her position by dropping her phone charger. She put a size seven hole in the wooden kitchen door when her boyfriend refused to let her in the house. Each story she tells is evident of the emotions that bring the memoir to life.
As she lights a smoke, she will begin to describe her recent discoveries of new age controversies and theories of otherworldly invasion, all while her eyes dart around the room, avoiding contact with anything. She provides background on the methods of transportation that these “light beings” will use to travel to Earth. Explanations of dimensions and how the difference between them is merely how fast the particles of a being are vibrating. The knowledge trapped inside this woman’s head could educate a nation, or destroy a life. Her mind and body fall into addiction far easier than anyone would prefer, and unfortunately, it is difficult for her to pull herself back from the edge. A lesson that she had to learn the hard way when that shining white light at the end of the tunnel crept into her field of vision.
Her ongoing battle with cancer makes it harder for her to get through her daily struggles without questioning if it’s all worth it. Whether she cares to admit it, the disease takes a large toll on her body. As if five kids and several pets over the course of 19 years didn’t do enough damage. The worries of being a mother never truly dissipate, they just become easier to handle. As the children grow older and venture down their own paths, she slowly starts to get lost in her deteriorating mental state. She worries if her children will care for her when she gets old. Anxious thoughts of the future and what it holds flood her mind.
She rarely speaks with her eldest daughter. The child she has had the closest bond with in recent years. Her struggle with alcoholism greatly changed their relationship. She can’t quite understand why it is that her daughter holds a grudge against her, but doesn’t really try to understand it either. They see each other on the rare occasion of a birthday, or when one of the other kids requests for her to come visit. It is sad for her, to barely see her first-born. The first baby to leave the nest, without looking back.