Their Common Traumas

It was the first day of classes, another year began which I did not think was anything good because the previous ones had been such as I predicted, miserable. I walked through the corridors of the school, like a soul in pain, I haunted every corner. It was my fifth period, I did not know where to go and when I found out where I was, I knew I was late but I introduced myself, I went into the room, all eyes on me, I saw a friend from last year, I sat with her. That's how it all started. She has the most beautiful eyes in the world, when she smiles she creates another planet, when she makes ugly faces she also looks beautiful, I do not know how she did it, but she captivated me, quickly, without much doing. I was always alone, antisocial, and apparently angry. She was happy, pure, free, on the outside everything with which she wanted to hide that inside. She always greeted me, often told me to smile or that I am beautiful that day, I do not know if I fell in love with her because I did not have anyone else or simply because she was the first to captivate my attention. We kissed for the first time on the patio of my house, it was weird, she swore not to kiss me again, but she did. She has a lot of pain, she cries almost every night. She told me her life, I know every detail of it, and I would love to erase some of her moments; abuse, violence, and a broken heart. It was blamed that they played with her, she said she was not enough, she screamed at me, she told me things she did not even think or feel, that anger consumed her. Sometimes I went completely crazy, I did not know what to do; how, why, when. Totally crazy. But those moments in which she smiled, I saw that beautiful heart that was still in her. Every beautiful moment counted for five fights for me, I was the "optimist" but no, completely deluded. I said things something that I did not do myself, we are a disaster of emotions. I suffered from severe anxiety, she from suffering, I from bipolarity, she from bipolar with depressive disorders, like me, too. We walk together to school and sometimes, we fight. She does not know what she wants, sometimes she tells me to leave her, but I can not. When a little girl suffered a lot of abuse, when that anger grew, it grew bigger, then she gave her heart to the wrong person, it broke into pieces. It's been two years since that happened and eight months since I met her and I have not been able to replace those broken pieces. She no longer trusts anyone, she sleeps with an open eye if necessary, the father looks like the groom over protector, and the mother does not look like a mother. They ask for confidence but when she speaks she is being disrespectful, they expect her to listen but if she defends herself she is being disrespectful. People speak bad of her, only to annoy her. When she gets angry, I try to give her love, to advise her but it gets worse, that anger is consuming her. My mind, my past, and my traumas torture me. Since I was little, I lived with my parents, they fought little, we were happy, and I used to go out and play with my friends every day. Then I moved here. She was born here. She is beautiful, necessary clarification. Sometimes I sink into an abyss of thoughts about why this is not going to work, sometimes I want to scream at her because I do not understand her. She says she loves me. I love her more than my life. I would love to know how to make her happy, because it is exactly what she needs to survive. She says many things, it's an open book with an iron cover, but I love the falseness with which she really loves me.