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Things They Never Tell a Pregnant Woman After Her First Pregnancy Ended in a Miscarriage

Sixteen Things

Things they never tell a pregnant woman after her first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage:

  1. That the thought of taking another pregnancy test in your whole entire life will scare you.
  2. That you will spend all of your days and nights researching every little ache and pain to make sure it's normal.
  3. That as soon as you see that heart beat you will cry in relief but stay worried.
  4. That sometimes you will be so worried about what could happen you forget to enjoy what is happening.
  5. That you'll see babies everywhere, and you'll pray to yourself that you make it that far.
  6. That you will still wonder about who your child that you lost would have become.
  7. That your gender reveal will feel like the biggest milestone in your life because you were afraid you would never make it that far.
  8. That it's ok to still be a little broken.
  9. That every doctors appointment will give you so much anxiety that it will keep you up for a few nights, because you're so worried that the heart beat will be gone.
  10. That you will look up the rates of a miscarriage through your whole first trimester.
  11. That it's okay to mourn what you lost, and love what you gained.
  12. I know that fear and worry are hard demons to live with, and to fight, but you can't let them take the joy out of every moment that this child is still on this earth.
  13. That even the people closest to you will never understand your hurt.
  14. That no matter what happens your life will never be the same.
  15. That no matter how many people tell you that you will get over it, you will never get over it.
  16. That you may feel all messed up inside, but you will do everything not to show it.

Those are things I wish people would have told me; things I wish people would tell me right now. Being  one in four women who have suffered a miscarriage is not easy, having to deal with the lost of child you never got to even hold is not easy, but I think it should be something that we are able to discuss, and not something just pushed away into a dark corner or under a rug so that other women who are going through this don't feel so broken, so damaged, so alone. This is not something that any woman should handle on her own, this is something that needs understanding, and support, and strength.

For those of you who have never gone through this heart-wrenching experience, please understand that this is something horrible to go through, and that it's more than just the feeling of a heavy menstrual cycle, that it is the loss of something you can never get back, and that this is not something that you just get over–no matter how many times you are told to.

This is not a break up, this is not a failed test, this is not a fight with hurtful words, this is not the bully who picked on you in grade school or middle school, or high school. This is the loss of a future, a loss of enduring love, a loss of faith in yourself and in your body, this is a loss of womanhood, this is a loss of an innocent, kind, too pure for this cold world child, so please be understanding and considerate. Thank you for reading. 

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Things They Never Tell a Pregnant Woman After Her First Pregnancy Ended in a Miscarriage
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