To start this off; I as a person feel stronger from what I have been through, and want to use my voice to help others like me or help people understand people like me.
- Even years after the abuse is over with, and we have moved on into our adult lives does NOT mean a lot of the scars are not still there. Telling us to move on, that it happened as a child, isn't helpful. That is a scar that will never close sadly. Even with help it'll still be there. It'll hurt less, but still be there. I know for myself I was abused from a small child up until adulthood, and it's been a few years now since I've lived on my own, and I still wake up some nights in a sweat, panicked that it was all a dream and I'm still a child hiding from them. I have had a lot of anger, and I moved passed it but the hurt is still there. That is one of my biggest fears that I deal with on a day-to-day basis. I haven't found anything to help with that yet, and I know hearing people tell me to move on doesn't help me. It makes it worse. So please understand we are trying to get help and move past it as best as we can.
- I know for me personally, personal space is a HUGE issue to me. I don't like my wrists being touched. I don't like people in general touching me. I can't handle people I don't know touching me, and still have a hard time with people I do know touching me. This is a hard limit for me. Thankfully, a lot of the people in my life understand this fully, but there has been a select few who push the limit and try to still grab me or hold me when I say not to. They don't understand that it's a hard limit for me, and don't understand how I can be that freaked out by being touched. I was abused to point where it was just for fun for them. They would do it when bored. So to me, trusting people to touch me is a hard thing. I have to shut down fully to accept it. While that might not seem like a big deal to you, for us who suffer from trauma from abuse it is a huge deal.
- If I'm closed off it isn't because I hate you. If someone in your life was abused, and they're closed off on a lot of things, it isn't because they hate you, or don't want you in their life. It's because you built a wall to keep you safe as a child. Now as an adult, it's hard to take that wall down. It was a safety net, and now as an adult we still need it. It is like an emotional security blanket.
- I could go on and on about this subject, but I'm hoping by this point you understand maybe how the mind of someone who was abused works a little. Honestly, be patient with someone who has been abused, and has severe trauma from it. We have our ticks, and our traits we learned from surviving through a living hell. I know one of mine is I can't grow my hair out. They would grab me by my hair and pull my hair out, so I learned short hair gave me a chance to run. I have tried for years now to grow my hair out, and I freak out and can't do it. Small things like that might not seem big to you, but to us it is life-crushing almost. Just take your time, talk to the person in your life, and understand if something is a hard limit respect it please.