To Dream, Forever

I feel very lonely. I often think back to high school and the months following into college. Surrounded I was by people, and for granted I took them. There are often nights I find myself in my bed, about 12 pink pills swimming around in my stomach to try and numb the realization of how alone I really am. My parents are here, sure, but as a 20-year-old, I feel as though there should be more. Bridges I have burnt for sure, not ever able to go back to shout myself out of the isolation I was setting up for myself.

At 20, there should be more. Should I be doing more? What more is there to do? I feel alone, I am alone. What is there to do to keep busy? Are there spaces I can go to? Sure, there are options such as Gold's gym. Working out is a healthy alternative, but what else? Should I not have taken small luxurious for granted? At the time I did not see them as luxurious, simply shapes and moments in my life that I would soon forget, but I have not forgotten. The feeling of loneliness lingers in the pit of my stomach. The longing of some sort of connection with another soul.

My dreams, they are my only escape. In my dreams I feel a sense of accomplishment. Connections with souls that only exist in my mind. A vacant mind filled with opportunity and purpose. My dreams never let me down. Whether it is a nightmare or a joyride, my dreams will always keep me content, until I awake. I awake to a world quite the opposite. A world in which dreams are only that, dreams.

Is there a way to dream forever? A way to fill the emptiness and void I find myself constantly drowning in? What is the purpose? What are the steps? Surely there is more to my life than checking my Instagram and Twitter every 34 minuets. I would never do that in my dreams because in my dreams there is too much to do. I do not have time to constantly be checking my phone because all my time is spent checking what is around me. I want to dream forever. I wish I could dream forever.

I have traveled and seen countless destinations while dreaming. Places I would never have thought were possible in reality. I have met people and made connections to my core in my dreams. There is never a wasted moment with anyone. Everything is everything inside of them. There is no right or wrong. There is so success or failure. There is simply life. Everything is everything wrapped in a sushi-type roll of cosmic life and interactions. Nothing is stagnant. Constant movement and progression is the backbone of my dreams. Anything is capable of doing everything inside.

I long to dream forever. When you dream forever, nothing matters, but yet everything is important. That is how I wish to live. I long to dream forever. There is no final destination because you have already arrived. You are always arriving. Always in time, yet sometimes constantly avoiding it. There is no conclusion one must find in dreams, no answers.

I wish to dream forever. I long to dream forever.