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Too Bad Duct Tape Isn't Waterproof

If It Was, I'd Be Golden

By LoneBugPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Btw, I took this picture. Nice right?

You know that feeling when suddenly you're drowning? You try to keep your head above water, but life is just a perpetual effort to keep your head above water, so eventually you tire out and start swallowing water. The bigger effort you make to stay afloat, the harder it is to stay afloat, and it's just a vicious circle. You can't even make the attempt to float because the waves around you keep pushing you down, and keep you down, unless you make an effort to stay above them.

So basically you're in the middle of a storm you can't weather, except the storm is more of a monsoon with the occasional tsunami thrown in there for fun, and the monsoon with the occasional tsunami is actually your life, but it's really not that bad a life so you feel guilty for feeling like you just can't do it.

Why should I though?

Life is relative to your own experiences. A new born baby cries for everything like it's the worst thing they've ever experienced, but is it not the worst thing they've ever experienced? They just came from a place where they were never hungry, never had to be changed, never had to wake up, never had to do anything but just be. So when this little baby cries like their world is ending because they're hungry it's because to them the world is quite literally ending.

Same thing applies to us, does it not? Our life struggles are just as relative to what we have experienced so far. In my experience, life? Not so great. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing it wrong, like there's some secret to living life in a way that keeps you above water. Needless to say, I haven't figured out what that secret is yet, and for those of you that have? Congrats. That's tough.

What am I doing instead? Writing the equivalent of an online diary for strangers to read because this is a way for me to cope, and a way for me to hide from those around me. I'm very good at hiding things, but my facade is a delicate thing, and any little thing can make it crumble with the slightest amount of pressure. My facade is like an expansive ocean that I'm figuratively drowning in, so peaceful from afar, but up close it's all turmoil. I can't crumble though. What gives me the right?

I can't crumble because I have people who depend on me. I can't crumble because I've really only experienced two decades of life, and in the scheme of things that's nothing. I can't crumble because there are people out there that this would affect, and that's the biggie.

Nothing makes me try harder to stay above water than the thought that I have to for the people who don't see the struggle going on. If I crumble, that's a tsunami I send out in a concentric circle with me as the center. It would affect all those surrounding me, and I can't do that. I am so selfish, every little thing costs me, and yet the thought of doing something that stirs up the pot for those around me is a thought I can't stomach.

I'm holding together because I've put duct tape on everything, and you know the cardinal rule. If you can't fix it with duct tape, it just means you didn't use enough duct tape.

So me in college? Duct tape.

Me pretending I have a plan for my life? Duct tape.

Me pretending that I'm happy? Duct tape.

Me pretending that I'm satisfied with what I'm doing in life? Duct tape.

My life is duct tape. Not full of duct tape, just duct tape at this point.

I struggle to stay afloat, I struggle to find the will to stay afloat, all the while the waves that are life keep pounding at me.

Too bad duct tape isn't waterproof.

coping
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About the Creator

LoneBug

Hey y'all! Thanks so much for dropping by, and I hope you find something you like. Most of what I put out will be fiction, or mental health related. After all, they do recommend to write what you know.

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