True Evil Is, Above All, Seductive

It slithers. Slipping into your room in the night while your eyes remain closed and your breathing is at a steady rhythm. While a collection of rapid images flutter beyond closed eyelids, ones made to either bring joy or adventure, Its cold fingers pinch at the fabric of your sheets. Its blazing breath, rancid and foul, coats along your skin until seeping into your pours. Before you know it, you've absorbed It, and you do not understand the true terror that ensues once you open your eyes.

No one truly talks about the true evil of the world, and if they do, they lace It in the understanding of murderers, violence, and outright assault. They discuss disorder and chaos as broadcast by the media. Yet, true evil is more than just exterior bloodshed and delivered hate. True evil is locked in a cage, hung above a timed volcano, where It bubbles and boils. Its pressed to the back of your neck; licking at your earlobes; caressing your sides.True evil is, above all things, seductive. This evil has multiple forms, but one of Its most deadly is self-destruction. Nothing delivers better results than the crumbling force of a person losing all their strength and confidence. That is where disorganized thought begins to bleed out; where fear, violence, and obsession take root. That is where It achieves absolute power and dominance.

At first, this seed seems manageable. As if It is dead and just buried, and you believe Its growth is able to be handled: For you are winter, and nothing truly grows when the lands are ice.

Within months, once you have pushed Its shallow breaths to the back of your mind, Its long fingers and nails like glass begin to crawl Its way throughout your system. Things you found joy in are suddenly bland. The sunlight is a hideous mess which you want to avoid, and friends who offer companionship just cannot do justice. Your reflection soils and your confidence is hit. But, the world feels better when everything is darker and you are alone. True evil tells you this is comfortable, and wraps you in a blanket of false love and affection. It whispers to you every night, every hour, every second, that you enjoy the solitude and you do not need any assistance. It tells you that you are alright, and It will take care of you.

Certain days, It grows tired, exhausted from Its teeth lodged in your throat and licking up every ounce of your energy. So It slumbers. On that day, you feel yourself energized and bright, and continues for a few days, or even weeks. Sometimes, It sleeps for a sizable amount of time, giving you a month or two without any company in your mind. You begin to have fun and explore. You experience and live. You've never felt better, or brighter. You lace your fingers in the clutch of your friends and find beauty in the eyes of a lover.You forget all about that time with It, and how much It seemed to obsess over you, so you never talk about It, because It is gone.And when you are at your peak, with a thousand options, opportunities, and ideas, suddenly, Its jaw slackens and releases a yawn. The hallow sections upon Its face, two round circles where nothing but an abyss seems to thrive, begins to turn towards you. Its soft mouth stained of a wicked crimson peels back to show pearl teeth that glint like pristine razor blades and my God, It is familiar; It almost feels safe. Its sleep made It stronger, and you are weak for Its touch. It makes everything else you're newly experiencing seem difficult and foreign, and It whispers to you that you're better in Its arms. For that is the easy way; the safest way. One without risk, or fear, or hurt, or pain, from others. Just yourself and It.Suddenly ideas fade and the world grows dark once more. You lose touch and focus; you're back in Its arms like a reliant, needy child. You're unable to move without It holding you up. You feel weak and vulnerable, and It makes you believe that all you're feeling is who you truly are but that is okay because It is here for you; It is here to protect you. You are Its child of the night and It will never abandon you, never leave you, never ignore you, never let you breathe without It and even when It goes to bed for some time, remember who. you. are. and that It knows the real you, and you will come back to It. Every time. You'll lose feelings for lovers and friends, because It is all you love. You'll become hostile and defiant to those who question your sudden change, and It will tell you that your anger and resentment to those who invade your circle is justified.

You'll lose ambition and compassion for yourself, because It can deliver those things to you when you sleep.

You will dream and they will be things of beauty until all you wish to do is dream, so you can truly be with It, and no one else.

For It is seductive and intelligent, and It loves me, above anything, and anyone else.

It is Depression, and It is something too many people know too well.

I face It everyday; every waking hour. Some days it goes into Its peaceful slumber, hibernating away from clinging to me for so long, that I forget it even existed in the first place. Asking for help is even harder, for when the good days come, no one believes you that you are depressed; no one seems to understand.

This is why I choose to write about It. These written pieces on Vocal will come together to talk about how I handle depression, in hopes that anyone else out there who is caught in Its possessive embrace, can come to work to ignore It before It stirs into absolute internal chaos, and crafts a permanent solution to temporary panics.