Understanding the Ego

Every human being on the planet has an ego, and we all struggle to coexist with it. Understanding and managing your ego is the most important task you can take on in your personal development. So read this article carefully, and your future self will thank you. There is not a force on this planet that will have as much influence over you as your own mind.

I built a digital marketing company from the ground up at age 22, traveled the world, launched a podcast, and the best advice I can ever give someone is to figure out how to understand and manage the ego.

So let’s start out by talking about why you have an ego. The ego often gets a bad reputation, and it is seen as being narcissistic, self-centered, and maybe even mean. I am here to tell you that your ego is actually much more complicated than this.

Your ego exists, so you can understand your own needs, and distinguish yourself as an individual in the world. And this is a very necessary function. Without your ego, the world would not make sense to you, and you would be completely unable to care for your own needs. That’s why I keep saying you must coexist with the ego. People often believe that you must kill off the ego, but the ego should be appreciated as a necessary part of your mind. It’s there for your survival, and it has an important role in your well-being.

The main problem that the ego poses is that it can hold you back from going for the things you really want in life. Your ego is one of the oldest parts of your mind, and it exists for the sake of your survival. Emotions like fear, envy, shame, and guilt come from the ego. Your ego’s main job is to keep you exactly where you are. It wants to keep you from changing.

There are a lot of ways your ego goes about accomplishing this, including the stereotypical, narcissistic way. Some people have egos that tell them they are already perfect and there is no need to try and grow or expand themselves. There is no need to take risks or reach for something better. Some people have egos that tell them that they are not worthy of anything better, and they shouldn’t try because they might embarrass themselves. In both cases, the ego is performing its function. It is preventing change and thus ensuring survival.

And sometimes your ego might prevent you from doing something that is genuinely going to harm you. It may prevent you from walking down a dark alley on the way home at night, it might prevent you from having another drink because you are getting a little tipsy, or it might prevent you from leaning too far over the edge of a balcony.

The problem that humans face today is that our ego cannot tell the difference between the nerves before a big work presentation or a first date and the fear that may occur from being attacked by a bear. Our egos want us to run away from every possible danger, but we live in a world where not everything that scares us is actually going to harm us.

So the biggest task on the road to a successful life is figuring out how we are going to work together with the ego, teaching the difference between nerves and real, useful fear.

This is certainly a process. It’s not something that can be done overnight. It takes a lot of relentless work, observing your thoughts and emotions, and training yourself to think differently.

So how do you do it?

1. Meditation

The first thing you need to do is learn how to observe your thoughts. Meditation is a great place to start. Sitting quietly and observing your mind is the first step towards conquering the thoughts. There are lots of apps that can help guide you through the process of learning how to meditate, or if you prefer, you can just sit quietly for five minutes every day, and observe your mind.

There is really no right or wrong way to meditate, and don’t get discouraged if you don’t meditate perfectly right away. Just like anything, this takes practice and repetition.

2. Journaling

I love to journal. I usually do about three pages stream-of-consciousness every morning. This is a practice called “morning pages,” and Julia Cameron teaches it in her book The Artist’s Way. I like to see journaling as an opportunity to have a conversation with myself each morning and see what thoughts are in my head. And as you get better at journaling, you can sort through your thoughts, even distinguishing which ones have come from your ego, and you can break them down and change them into more productive thoughts on the spot.

I found it takes a lot of discipline to make myself sit down every morning and write three pages in my journal, but the practice has completely changed the way I think. It has eliminated a lot of my negative self-talk, and I highly recommend journaling to anyone who feels like they have a lot of stuff they need to sort through in their lives (I mean who doesn’t).

Bottom line, if you want to be really successful and happy in life, the first thing you need to get control of is your own mind. There are thousands of different thoughts (conscious and unconscious), that circulate through your head every day, and that influence every single thing you do. You have to gain an awareness and a control over those thoughts before you can gain control in your life.

And remember to be relentless, but also be patient with yourself. This takes time, but trust me, it’s totally worth the effort.