Have you been oblivious to the signs and red flags for the sake of love? Do you or others notice how it has affected you?
When love evicts the mind from the brain, it can be quite a damaging experience to say the least.
It can literally tear families apart like an earthquake and rip your heart to shreds as well as send one to an insane asylum.
If it gets to that extreme level, there's no telling what may happen. So the best thing that you can do for your future self is get to know the red flags and proceed with caution and be sure that you take your head with you!
If you've ever been in love with a narcissist, then you know it can be one of the worst physical-mental-verbal abusive relationships to ever be in.
Staying in a relationship with them is like you're actually punishing yourself. It's a cycle of emotional draining abuse and traumatic reoccurring dynamics.
Depending on what the situation is recovery is a long, long road. And there is a lot of inner work that you must do to become whole again.
That's not all bad, see it as a much needed investment in yourself, your mind, body and spirit.
It will help when you focus on yourself and the lessons at hand so you'll no longer repeat the same toxic relationship patterns. Take time to be alone and learn yourself for the betterment of your future self.
Become free from stress, PTSD and anxiety.
This 30 day challenge video is exceptional at healing your emotional issues that weigh you down, day in and day out. Listen to Louis Hays' powerful video once daily for 30 days and you will experience an inner transformation!
Learn to master your emotions and start living.
Dealing with a family that had many members who suffered with addiction and mental health issues it was a struggle and I endured endless headaches and lower back pain. Growing up, I had to be the adult and raise my parent (mom) which made me miss out on having a childhood. I had no friends and hated school. I could feel all the negativity in the air because it was what I was naturally accustomed to. It conditioned my mind and screwed up my empathy and emotional stability which left me feeling drained more than ever. I began to study and take courses such as this one to learn to deal with my emotions just to feel sane and not crazy as I often did. It regulated my mental health issues and most importantly I finally felt sane!
Why Your Empathy Holds You Back
Most sensitive people who are givers tend to be attracted to those who like to receive. The problem with this is that the other person is often categorized as having no empathy and are referred to as being narcissistic.
When you've been wooed and swept off your feet by a smooth talker, there is a tendency to follow your heart and leave your mind behind.
Often times many people who are in these manipulative relationships look past the telling signs that show them exactly why they should avoid them, hit the ground running and never look back.
More often than not, these telltale signs are ignored and instead many opt to suffer in silence.
As you continue to stick around through the tumultuos relationship after a while you lose your identity and who you really are.
You start to feed yourself the horrible things that they've been telling you for months and years and you believe the negative thoughts becoming mentally and emotionally unstable.
You start to think that if you can't be with them (under their mind control and manipulative tactics), then you don't want to be with no one else.
Even if you do try to meet anyone else, you will compare everyone you meet to them, missing a chance of a good thing that could have transpired if you were open to giving it a chance.
When it gets to this point, it's mainly because you've told yourself that you will not be without them. But this is not the case because it is very possible to find someone else who will be ten times better for you once your falsehoods you created for them fade away.
The deeper issue one should take into account is when you don't want to find anyone else because in your mind you believe that he/she can do no wrong no matter how many times you've forgiven them after they've apologized multiple times for the same issue.
So you continue holding them super high on this pedestal that they've tricked you into putting them on in the first place, instead of holding them accountable for their intentional actions.
This then becomes an issue of self-esteem and it's not at the height or level it needs to be which will require no hesitation in knowing your worth and dropping them like a bad habit!
You must come to know and believe that you deserve more other than to stand for their lies, deceit, and foolery.
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Five False Statements to Stop Believing
- Love is blind. Love isn't blind, one chooses to be blind when all the signs are visible if not to you, to your friends and family who have tried to warn you but you refuse to hear them because you're so caught up in their web of lies and manipulation.
- Love hurts. True love brings forth no pain. It is an effortless union and connection of two souls who are bonded and unbreakable.
- Your heart is broken. Can a human heart actually break? If it were truly broken how would you be alive? (Who comes up with these terms, seriously).
- Love doesn't exist. That's the furthest thing from the truth. This is naively said by one who has never experienced true unconditional love. When you find it you'll feel and know the difference. You will have true bliss and inner peace.
- If they love me, they won't hurt me. Wrong. It is the other way around. If they hurt you, then they do not love you. You have to love yourself first in order to receive love from someone who will be true to your heart. In actuality, they don't even love themselves so how can you expect them to love you.
My Rollercoaster Relationship Story
I was married to a narcissist for 11 years and had two children with him who are currently over 18. I lost my friends, family, everything that meant something to me. All I had was him, it's how he wanted it. But I didn't see this or the red flags that we're there. I loved him more then I loved myself even after he only put in half of what I did during the time of our relationship. But it was enough for me because I stayed. I walked on eggshells for years and made excuses for the mental and emotional abuse. I never wanted to confront him about things that bothered me so I wouldn't cause an argument and get him upset. I was becoming someone else and that's when I snapped out of it and I'm glad that I finally did. If I know what I knew now I would have never entertained such a disgusting heartless human being. I'm glad I went through it because it showed me what love is not. Now I am happily married with a man who is gentle, loving, kind and has a heart of gold. The icing on the cake is that he respects and appreciates me and he shows it everyday. I am blessed to have gone through the bad to find the good. Don't ever give up, you're happy ending is out there if you let go of toxicity and do the work needed to gain inner strength and the will to walk away! It will be the best thing you can do for yourself and you will finally be able to breathe again!
“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” – Deborah Reber
Finding Courage to Let Go and Move on
To those of you who are looking for inspiration and courage to move forward and let go things for betterment of your own life and changing your patterns you must learn the lesson you are facing in your current situation and apply it to your future.
One thing you should learn from staying so many years in any abusive relationship (physically, mentally, or emotionally) where he/she cheated, mistreated, or violated you is that it was never about you, it's all about who they are on the inside and the internal battle they face.
The unhappy person within transfers their insecurities, doubts and fears onto you on a daily basis. This is because they have kept those things hidden for so long and tried to make then disappear but all the while they have showed up in your relationship time and time again and you end up paying for what they've never dealt with.
Once you experienced the signs of this broken behavior, you are definitely going to be equipped with enough knowledge to be able to avoid it at all costs in the future.
There comes a time when you have to look at the facts and see it for what it is and not what you want it to be.
You have to decide is it worth it to continuously hold onto someone who isn't afraid of losing you.
My advice is to stop trying to save others and save yourself sometime.
It's vitally important to realize and remember that whatever we put up with is what will continue!
It is entirely up to us to know what our boundaries and deal breakers are and to enforce them. As the saying goes, "a closed mouth, doesn't get fed."
I do admit letting things go is not so easy to do and may take tremendous will power and courage to do it. But, believe me the longer you hold on to what destroys your inner peace, the longer you'll have to wait for what brings you joy and happiness.
You don't have to wait until you are totally convinced that they have stopped caring for you and would never ever care.
The signs are always there as plain as day for you to see. It’s time to stop avoiding the truth and accept it as fact and proof that you need to let him/her go for your own good.
As you begin to realize that they actually let go of you a long time ago, you will find that it may be time for you to do the same.
Make a conscious choice to take the first and toughest step today to let it go and things will definitely be better soon after.
Don’t give up on your happiness or your self esteem, you have all rights to be happy!