Wahalalafia (Pt. 4)

So Wahalalafia really has taken shape today. I went for a job interview as a radio presenter at a Christian radio station, but my Dad went into the hospital. All I know is that at the moment I do feel vulnerable, but a strange feeling of optimism.

I'm optimistic that things will go my way. Not that I'm being overtly egotistical or anything. What I mean is that, with Wahalalafia, I find that optimism helps me to understand myself. Though sometimes I'm not sure whether what I'm dealing with is optimism or Manny Mania.

Optimism to me is like the goof witch in The Wizard of Oz. Glittering, all encompassing, and ready to take me home. I love optimism. I call her Opty.

It's as if she rubs my back when I feel crap, gives me hope in a glittering cup. Nice!

Opty comes here and there. From time to time. She knocks on my bedroom door and says, "Hey girl! I brought you chocolates (she always brings my favourite Maltesers) and happiness."

She tends to come just after Manny leaves. Sometimes I'm scared when she leaves, since it can be quite daunting, and then Dick the Depression comes and it's ridiculous.

Anyway, she's right here by me. Smiling. She's flattered that I'm talking about her so well at the moment. She loves it!

Wahalalafians, do you know what I mean?

Anyway, Opty says hi. She has such a golden smile. A face filled with glittering teeth. Why does she have to go?

The strange thing is that Opty and Manny Mania have the same look. Sometimes it's difficult to tell them apart.

They both have the brightest smiles, jet black hair, full and bright eyes. Though I do know the difference between Manny and Opty because Manny is crazier than Opty, but I sometimes have to look twice before making any assumptions.

Sometimes I do feel lonely when surrounded by many people. I do feel misunderstood. But Opty says keep going. I know that life always gets better. Sometimes we are unsure of ourselves, but the answers come back in time.

Like I say, I do feel optimistic. I suppose I’ve always lived in a dream land. I have my own characters, stories, and plots in my own head. My inner life is rich like cream. 😝 Very thick. Yeh. I always have had a vivid imagination. I would—and still do to a certain extent—create scenarios in my mind about life, etc.

Honestly, I think my dream life is better than my real life. It’s not like my real life is bad, just boring. I feel stuck, in the same loop. Like Groundhog Day.

I’m a Leo, and I’ve realised we Leos are so multifaceted. Some people say two-faced, but it’s not like that. We just have deep lives. We are like lasagna! We have many different layers. We are not one dimensional. We are misunderstood a lot, and are accused of not being "real." Well we are, but you’ve just seen one layer of our lasagna LOL.

Whitney Houston was one.

Right now I'm watching a documentary about Whitney Houston. For some reason, I don't know why, I like watching documentaries about celebrities. I always feel like singers, actors, and the like have characteristics that I understand. I'm very musical (in my head as well as in my life). I can't stay still. I have to move. I have to do something. Sometimes when I'm stressed, music for some reason plays in my head. Why? I don't know.

Anyway I'll be back tomorrow.

Thanks