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Waiting for the Rain Clouds

What It's Like to Have Seasonal Depression

By Katharin CrewsonPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Winter is coming... it's a simple fact. We can't avoid it unless we move to a warm country to escape the harsh reality of it, but most of us don't have that luxury. So we stay. But it's not all about the snow and the cold, or the warm clothing that keep us from freezing. It's also about the sun. More specifically, the sunlight. If you're like me and live in the upper northern hemisphere of the world, you know what I mean. Long nights; short days. Now, if you're also like me, you know the consequences of the lack of sunlight, not just on your physical health, but mental as well. Depression. This is about that little grey cloud that happens to take over your life, and waiting for it to come to pass.

In the Beginning

Before I realized I had seasonal depression, I thought I was just tired. A lot. So tired in fact, that I couldn't do regular daily activities anymore, I couldn't eat right, and I wanted no part of the outside world.

Now, I did experience this feeling at a minimum throughout the whole year itself, not only in winter. It was only until winter hit hard that the feelings were magnified and I figured it out.

It's never fun to find out that all those emotions of feeling useless and lack of caring about anything, even yourself, is caused by you and the lack of sunlight itself. I didn't cope very well. I dreaded getting up each day and having to go on with my regular activities while faking a smile or showing any sign of happiness. Oh, I wasn't completely void of happiness, but each time I genuinely caught myself smiling or laughing, I felt like I didn't deserve it and my smile faltered every single time.

Getting the Memo

I still dread winter. Many of us do actually, but for me, it always seemed like bad things happened solely in that long period of time. When I say "long" I mean that it seemed to drag on forever. But lo and behold, it was gone. The birds started returning, flowers bloomed, and each day got warmer and warmer. It was great... while it lasted. It never seems to last long enough.

When you realize that winter is approaching, it does things to you. You get a pang of sadness and stress, and you're expecting the worst. You worry about your car's maintenance, Christmas parties, sickness and lack of mobility in the snow.

You wonder if you'll get to work on time, if you'll slip on ice and break something that you can't afford to break, or that your whole world seems to be falling apart as the darkness approaches.

Having depression is different. You still wonder if those things will happen, but at the same time you don't. You almost accept the fact that you're feeling the worst possible that you can, and it can't get any worse, and you stop caring. Almost completely. Car broke down? Well it was bound to happen, my life is a mess, whatever. Fall and hurt yourself? Well, the universe is just trying to punish me, big surprise there.

You also sit there wondering how other people can be so happy. They go on about meeting family, celebrating the holidays, and participating in winter sports. Meanwhile, you want to stay in your house all day and avoid all human contact, wrapped in blankets and watching sad movies because you can relate to the main character.

This happens every year. You accept it. You have to. What other option do you have? The cycle repeats over and over and you carry on with the life that seems to disappear when the snow begins to fall and the sun begins to set faster and faster.

No, you can't stop winter from coming. Sorry. :(

Most often than not, you can't tell when the depression sets in. It happens gradually and you don't realize it's happened, until, well, it's at its worst or so.

It's very difficult to cope with seasonal depression on your own. So please, find some help. Go out into the world despite it and allow yourself to feel happy. Get your friends together, make some new ones, just don't suffer alone.

Unfortunately, you can't prevent winter from unfolding. That's just how nature is. You can, however, worry less about how you are GOING to feel, and focus more about how you feel in the present.

Conclusion

Winter can be a *****. It's a fact. With the cold and the darkness, it can be a hard time for everyone. For someone who has seasonal depression, it's worse. Just because something is difficult to go through, that doesn't mean that you need to feel terrible, horrible, and make no productivity come out of it. Be proactive. Write about your feelings. Get a new hobby like scrapbooking. Become an event planner, whatever, just go out and find a way to make the best out of it.

No, it will not always be easy to face something that you dislike, but rather than avoiding it at all cost and prolonging the stress, face it and get it over with.

If you are feeling alone, just remember, the people around you are going through this. You may not know them, but they are just like you, and you can face it together. You are never alone, so sit back, open the curtains, and wait for the rain to pass, because nothing, especially bad experiences, last forever. It will get better.

:)

depression
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About the Creator

Katharin Crewson

I love writing poetry and sitting outside and just watching the world. Also, I'm obsessed with cats. :)

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