We Aren't Choosing to Drown, Our Minds Make Us Feel Like We Already Are...

I never once when growing up thought, When I get older, I would love to deal with consistent struggles of the mind. That sure sounds glamorous. And neither did the millions of others who suffer, and I think we tend to forget that. Nothing about this toxicity is beautiful, and you are only making it worse by talking about it as if they chose this life themselves.

My personal story is going to be different than others, my shadow is going to be different than others. I struggled for years. I found contentment in things that overpowered my demons, but that doesn't mean I still don't struggle now and again greatly. Even when you reach your highest point, there will be lows rediscovered or thrown anew—I know that, and I accept that. My story, however, may not align like many others. Many may not be as lucky to turn the voices down or come up for air like I have been able to do.

It is one thing to be stressed when you have a million things going on sure, it is another to wake up on an ordinary day and have your mind tell you that same feeling is going to be triggered, even if nothing is there at all. A constant worry of what is wrong, what is wrong with me, what can go wrong next...no matter the positivity you bring forth, it is somehow overshadowed by a different kind of darkness.

The foundation is already at a stand point that most wouldn't imagine, but then having life stacked on it, is like a game of Jenga and you truly don't know when you are going to fall. You can execute flawless removal of hatred and misunderstanding, but you will eventually tip over. The only way those blocks will be rebuilt is by someone taking the time and energy. Every piece requires care, and even at that, some just can't seem to stack anymore.

It seems like this black cloud that nobody really wants to talk about, but in reality, it's the only way we can truly help someone. It is this misunderstood and misguided topic that people are scared of. There are so many assumptions that don't even begin to sit into truths; to think that those who have mental health struggles are selfish or unable to love, is that of ones own mind creating lies of something they know nothing of.

Until you have sat in a room with no noise, no lists of things to do, no direct negative placements in your life...but still somehow felt like you couldn't breathe, you couldn't control your thoughts or tears...please don't offer those people advice on "just stay positive"; they have tried, they will keep trying. Just listen, be there, and reach out. Every time there is a suicide, the only thing ever posted is hotlines. Do you not think they wanted to call? Do you not think they wanted to live? They did. Every part of them tried. The amount of time it took someone to post after a death, is the amount of time it would have taken to send love to someone you care about that is fighting. There is ALWAYS a need for those hotlines, of course. But I really do challenge you to be a hotline of your own for your loved ones. Sometimes a messed up mind won't allow someone to make a call like that; try being the one to call them instead. It can truly make the world of difference.

But please know that the darkness doesn't mean hate for you, only hate for often themselves, for their mind alone for making them this way, or for the countless times they couldn't overcome but wanted to so very badly. There can be sunshine after the rain, but there can also be a dozen more hurricanes. Learning to love someone through both is the battle. It is okay to know that the conversation won't be easy and that you may not understand, but being an anchor in a wave of emotions can help in the storm.

We as society are brewing that storm by not talking about and offering options more freely for mental health. Depression is only part of the battle. Though I have lost multiple people in my life to this struggle, it is my smallest conflict, and yet still sometimes a battleground. Personally my anxiety takes over my ability to think, I also suffer from a form of PTSD where I have memory life flashes that almost feel as realistic as if I was there currently. Instead of people listening or taking the time to understand, they often slap a "crazy" sticker on people like that and move on. This is what is wrong with that; we are creating a chain that links to pieces larger than my own that goes on to affect others, and then people still don't take time to understand, and it becomes a never ending cycle.

We need to be the first break in that cycle. Mental health is not something new. This is something human beings have always struggled with. So taking the time to comprehend and truly make for a strong base to help someone is the only way to even start minds in easing the transition. There is no "cure," there is only progression.