We Can't Always Explain It, but Lets Try

With my experience it creeps up on you at the weirdest of times. When you first wake in the morning, when you are watching a movie, driving, simply having a conversation, 3 o’clock in the morning and honestly it sucks. It’s like this uninvited acquaintance that you don't want to show up at the party. It’s the ex that won’t stop knocking on your door. It’s all your insecurities in a bubble waiting to explode.

It makes you feel sometimes incapable. It has its good and its bad days... some days heavier than others. It makes you feel or see things that aren't really happening. It makes you second guess your text messages, over think body language. It makes you feel alone even when you’re not alone. Sometimes you feel fatigued, you feel like the world is watching, judging you for the smallest of things. When you say you’re okay and someone doesn't believe you, but you just really want to be okay.

Sometimes you don't know it’s actually there and you really, really hope it isn't because just for a second, for a second you just want to not feel that way. Sometimes you wish the attention wasn't on you. Sometimes we can’t always explain whats happening cause even though we know, we really don't know. We don't know why this thing happens why we can’t always control it we'd like to, but we can’t.

We can't explain to our friends why we've been in bed all day or why your trying not cry. You just can't why you rather sit alone in the dark at night. It’s making up excuses for why you didn’t go to the party the other night. It’s not wanting to explain that you’re not yourself. It consists of trying not to fall into a darker space than you already are. It’s hard to talk about it when no one really wants to talk about it. When your silence becomes the punch line of every joke. Can you blame us for not wanting to talk about it?!

It can make you feel different, unseen, lost in your thoughts, out of sync. Sometimes you wish you could tell the people around you how you feel. Sometimes you press pause on explaining because you don't want to be labeled. Sometimes you wish you could help them help you. So maybe when in a calm state, when that uninvited visitor isn't around, we can tell the ones we love to do the following sometimes.

1. Talk to me
2. Make sure I feel safe or comfortable, if not take me where I will
3. Please don't show me your frustrated, don’t yell at me, try to understand
4. Don't ignore me
5. Don't add attention to me
6. If possible bring my attention somewhere else
7. Even If I say No remind me that your there
8. Stay by my Side
9. Never say "get over it"
10. Eventually your calm will rub off on me
11. A simple hug could do the trick but ask first

If you're someone out there that experiences this, some of the things I do to help myself might just help you.

1. Exercise: Now I know that might sound exciting for some and cringing for others, but it helps even if it’s a simple walk or jog or dancing let it out.
2. Writing: I write a lot, I keep a little section in my phone where I can place my over thought thoughts and feel safe about it.
3. Music: Loads and Loads of music, even singing of key and laughing later helps.
4. Do the things you love without hesitation

These are just some of things I do that might help. I hope this post was both relatable to those dealing with anxiety and depression, and helpful to those who don’t understand. My experience may not be exactly like everyone else’s and to be honest no one person is exactly like the other, but we may know how one another feels. I think it is important to bring awareness and to talk about these types of things rather than silence them. A simple moment of empathy goes a long way.

Thanks for listening!