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What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do? I've gotten myself though abuse, addictions, and suicidal thoughts; now, I'm getting myself through a move. A month ago, I moved to a new town to start over. A fresh start was something my son and I needed. Like anything, changes has its ups and downs. The only person I know here is my boyfriend, and I am so grateful to be able to live with him and have a new family life, but the change has been hard. My depression has gotten considerably worse.
I haven't been able to find a job and I'm slowly running out of the money I had saved before we moved. I have no friends here, so no one to spend my time with to help with the sadness. Yes, I do have my boyfriend, but like any responsible adult, he has a job. He works hard all day, and thankfully supports us and is keeping a roof over our heads. It's not that I'm not responsible, I have handed out lots of resumes and check job sites several times a day, it’s just that I haven't gotten any callbacks. Do you know how I like to comfort myself when I'm depressed? Two things; I love to eat and I like to shop. I've been trying to watch my eating habits as I don't want to put on any more weight but since I don't have any extra money eating has been my way of comforting myself yet again. I need to learn to self-soothe! Then yes, there's shopping. I do a lot of online window shopping it kind of help's, but it's not the same as going to the store buying stuff and enjoying them when I get home.
It particularly sucks for me when my boyfriend asks to hang out with his friends. Ya sure ill just go hang out my friends. WAIT!!! I don't have any friends here I guess I'll just stay home and clean the house and cry. I've done a lot of that lately crying. Don't get me wrong I'm glad he's got friends to hang out with, I'm happy for him, it's just hard for me when I don't, and I don't know how to make new friends here. I don't miss where I was, but I do lose my job and my friends. I had it good there, I had a roof over my head that I paid for, the food I paid for, and I was able to go shopping with my own money. I never felt terrible when I bought something for myself cause I had all my bills paid and my son was well taken cared for. Here if I purchase anything for myself, I feel terrible cause I don't contribute much to the grocery bill and I don't pay for any of the house bills just my phone bill and credit card bills. I'm used to taking care of myself I've been doing it for the past two, and a half years and have become very proud of myself for doing so. Now I have to rely on someone else yet again, and that is bringing me down a bit. I can't wait for the day I find a job. I have my writing though, and I enjoy getting my words on paper.
To top all this stuff off my son says he hates it here and I don't know how to comfort him since I haven't been enjoying it too much either. He complains about how the school is different. Tyler has more homework then he used to, the gym isn't all about physical activity which is ridiculous in my opinion, and he says his teacher is grumpy all the time.
Let's take about that for a second! I've never heard of doing school work such as writing about stuff in gym class, but that's what he has to do here. He brought home homework from gym class the other day, and I'm like what the f***!!! Gym class is supposed to be about physical activities to show them it's important to be active every day! Which it is but the school seems to think they need to learn about whatever it is they learn about in gym.
Tyler is always saying we should go back to where we were, which is something don't want to do. So I've been trying to comfort him as much as I can but listening to his concerns and letting him vent about how he feels. I know this change hasn't been easy for him either I'm just hoping I can convince him it’s great here. Or for him to like it here a little bit. I know I will never be going back to our old place. It was too toxic, and I felt it held me back.
Since moving, I have noticed I care less about what other people think, and I focus more on what makes me happy. Although I do spend a lot of time trying to help Tyler adjust to our new life. Plus comfort my boyfriend because he is sad that we are having a hard time adjusting here. So I'm not an entirely selfish person, and I still care a lot about others, but I'm also working on caring better for myself too.
Wow, that was a lot of complaining about my life! Let me tell you how it been good too! As much as I loved my home where I used to be, I'm grateful I no longer live there. I left a place that I had been for ten years. I went through so much there I have lots of good and evil memories, and in the end, it was time to go. Moving here has been exciting too I got to experience a new home and new grounds to explore which I'm not even close to done exploring but I've enjoyed walking around town and figuring out where everything is. I also get to spend every night with a man I love who has also become my best friend. We have created a cute little family life for ourselves. Before we moved here, we had a long distance relationship which was very hard! So I'm grateful that is no longer an issue for us. Plus another big thing is a fenced yard for our dog Marley which we now have! Let me tell you he loves it!! I watch him run around like a puppy every day!
Now we just have to get more settled in. I know it’s only been a month, and these things take time for everyone, I just can't wait for us to feel more at home.