We're All in the Gutter

"We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."

Oscar Wilde said that. Lately, this infamous poet and playwright has been popping up in a lot of conversations I have been having. This is the quote that plays on repeat in my head while I’m sitting on a park bench or in a café, watching the world go by. Countless faces going about their daily existence; strangers, the lot of them. But you can’t help but feel drawn to them, knowing we are all trying to do the same thing on this planet: live.

Living with anxiety, the weight of the world comes crashing down all too often, and at the most inconvenient of times. It is enough to leave you cowering under a blanket for days if it gets the best of you. To leave you in a corner, gasping for air. These are the times when you realize there are sights you will never see, music you will never hear, and people you will never get to hold again. You know deep down that one day you will fall asleep and never wake up. That everyone around you is destined for the same fate and there is nothing anyone can do about it. And the worst part is, you won't even know it's happened. The world will continue to turn without you, just like it had before you were born, and your story will be forgotten. Life is as much of a curse as it is a blessing.

You can't help but look around in panic at the masses around you milling about their daily lives. They seem so caught up in minuscule things that pale in comparison to the chaos that is occurring inside your head. You want to climb on a cardboard box and scream in their faces; demand to know why no one else is concerned, afraid, or even aware of what is happening to us all. How can people live their lives in such denial? With such ignorance and naivety? Why is everyone continuing this way and not exhausting every possibility to experience everything this ill-fated world has to offer? It's enough to make you wish you were one of them. That your brain could turn off and you could skip happily towards the end without a constant reminder that a darkness is waiting for you on the other side.

Maybe everyone has these crushing reality checks. Maybe we are all frightened and overcome with our own collective future that we fake our smiles and continue with our daily routines to not look like the crazy ones. We go numb and hide in the gutter that we're all stuck in and pretend everything is fine until we are behind closed doors. For the sake of our own survival and sanity, we choose existence over pain.

But in doing this, we are hurting ourselves. We are denying our very instinct to feel this fear. To let it consume us, to let it drive us to the brink of insanity, leaving with a decision: let this fear end you, or allow it to push you. To make sure there’s nothing left to see, to hear, or taste. No one else left to hold. No words left unsaid, no song left unsung.

Choose not to just look at the stars, but marvel at them. Feel until you overflow. Laugh, cry, hurt, love.

But most of all, live. Run head first into the darkness. After all,

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” —Oscar Wilde