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Weights and Worries in the World of Social Media

"Every time I think that something is perhaps worth sharing with people, I find myself worrying more and more about what others will think, and about how I will be perceived."

By Laura .Published 5 years ago 4 min read
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Yesterday, I posted on my Instagram account (as I often do when a little thought pops into my head) regarding my current feelings when it comes to sharing information about mental health online. When I first started to be open about my own health in the format of videos and Instagram posts, I found the experience so immensely reinvigorating and refreshing! I had so much support and encouragement from friends, family and even from people I didn't know too well at the time. I found that I was simultaneously facing my own demons as well as helping others—what's not to love, right?

More recently, however, this online sharing has (at times) proved to be an isolating experience, more so than anything else. Every time I think that something is perhaps worth sharing with people, I find myself worrying more and more about what others will think, and about how I will be perceived. Am I saying too much? Am I getting it wrong? Am I a fraud? Am I being viewed as 'annoying' or an 'attention seeker?' Or, perhaps worst of all, what if the content I am writing is actually triggering someone, rather than helping them? When these nasty little thoughts start to make themselves known to me inside my head, I do my best to bat them away like flies, but this can sometimes prove to be very difficult.

Now, I can't deny that these thoughts may also be due to my newly discovered anxiety. I sometimes almost laugh to myself at how much I had insisted to doctors that I no longer struggled with anxiety, because, for me, the term 'anxiety' simply meant panic attacks and heart palpitations (something that dominated my latter school years). In actual fact, however, thanks to my recent sessions of cognitive behavioural therapy, I have now come to understand that I still do suffer from anxiety. This time, however, it has decided to take two different forms: worry and paranoia. It is safe to say that these two feelings are equally as unpleasant as the panic attacks—particularly when they make me physically agitated and give me long lasting headaches.

So, whether or not there is any truth behind my fears and worries, I really couldn't tell—but anxiety or no anxiety, there is still something that seems sticky to me when it comes to being open online. At worst, I feel almost like a fraud—I receive messages from people who appreciate my posts, but have never seen some of my darkest moments, while those who have perhaps seen my darkest moments sadly no longer reach out. This can be a confusing experience to say the least, as I am left wondering yet again, "Am I a bad person?"

Over the past few years, I have found that my mood has the tendency to swing back and forth like a pendulum. Not long ago, I was having erratic and volatile shifts in mood, to the point where I often felt like I could explode, whereas nowadays I've found I'm channelling an anxious hermit far more often. I can see similarities between this and the way I approach publishing things online, and perhaps others have experienced this too. Some days I am so keen to share everything with everyone, and I am left on such a high if people like what I have to say. On other days, though, I can make myself worried and anxious about sharing anything at all. Even though health is always the topic of my online posts, I am fairly certain that these thought patterns themselves are not healthy at all.

I have seen first hand that social media can have amazing benefits if used properly, but I've also started to see how it can start to dominate people's lives in a negative way when we begin to get sucked out of reality and into the world of 'the screen.' This has, at times, definitely been the case for myself as I sit worrying and imagining scenarios in my head; being convinced of what people must be thinking when they see what I post online. So this has left me wondering: how exactly do we find the right balance when it comes to what we share on social media?

anxiety
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About the Creator

Laura .

Talker of all things Mental Health!

Sharing my experiences, stories, and tips xoxo

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