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A Tail of Depression

By Kris CaldwellPublished 5 years ago 2 min read
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Oh depression, how you come knocking on the door of my brain, and I let you in, every time. Now depression cannot be "controlled," but my quest has begun to find the ways to control my reactions to its company.

I have been living with the pression (depression) since I was a wee las. It came out of nowhere, and has set up a tent in my brain, making itself comfortable. Unfortunately, I too have become comfortable with its presence. Depression has become a normality, in my day to day life. I have been trying to find a way to get out of its grips, and I can say, I have no idea what I am doing… or at least I have forgotten how to be okay.

I have become a believer of its harsh words. When in the middle of the night depression leaves post-it notes saying, "YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" "YOU ARE NEVER GONNA BE HAPPY!" "WE NEED MILK!" There are so many lies depression tells you. I wonder where all these doubts and insecurities come from. The one thing I have too tell myself is, these thoughts are not true. One time I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep, and suddenly it felt like I was being hit with words. I could see them in my mind coming at me from all directions.

Depression comes in many forms, and it can bring with it a group of friends. My depression has a best friend, and its name is Anxiety. They are so close, and share a lot of the same traits. Between the fear to fail, and the lack of motivation to try, the harder it is to know what to do. It can be such a slap in the face when the want to become better is waving at you, but the strength of the depression closes the door.

The amount of frustration that runs through a person’s mind with depression can fill up an olympic sized swimming pool. There is a plethora of "hard parts” of living with depression. One of those is living in the confines of your head. There is no running away. There is though, solutions to run to. I will sound cheesy and cliché a lot but for this subject it is just dandy.

If there was a magic pill to take away this disease and have it never return, I would be the first in line. Depression will drive up in its pick-up truck and unload a bunch of mental bricks in your yard. We unknowingly take those bricks and build it a home. The feelings themselves feel so heavy, so brutal it feels like there is no digging yourself out.

BUT, and it’s a big but, I know somewhere out there, there is a way out. I know because I have dug the tunnel before. I just need to look for my shovel. I would like to share a perspective on depression, and give a little companionship to those who may be in this whole with me. I promise you, we will get out.

So where do we start? How do we start? There is no straight forward answer and there is no “right” answer. I would like to take this journey to explore different avenues of self-help, self-regulation, and just getter better. I’ll leave a bit of wisdom, if you can even call it that, to those who are in the midst of depression YOU ARE NOT YOUR DEPRESSION. You are only passing through it.

depression
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About the Creator

Kris Caldwell

Lets talk about yo brain and how we can get better. The talk of the types of mental illness in a funnyish way.

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