This is where I begin. I've always loved and had a passion for writing, and I use to be really good at expressing myself through metaphors and scattered adjectives, but recently I've lost my flow. When I was born I was an innocent Caterpillar that's just emerged from pure safety and tossed into an unforgiving, torturous, beautiful, amazing, and dreadful reality. I wasn't always like this. I didn't always talk about the miserable part of life, because I never wanted to believe it could happen. I stayed quiet and I never did drugs, I never talked back, and I did the best I could. I wanted to feel accomplished and make my parents proud to have me for a daughter.
That reality quickly faded as I turned 13. That was when my parents got divorced. My parents were in a very toxic relationship; the energy in the house was so thick with tension, I never found myself comfortable. My mom would throw things and yell; my dad would just stand there and throw it back. They would spend so long arguing. I remember sitting in my room think that this was it, this is where I loose my family.
To this day I'm still thankful that my parents got divorced because it was so hard to be in the house knowing that neither one was happy. Me being an empath, I felt everything and absorbed it all.
Barley a year later, my dad met this woman on e-harmony. When I first met her I actually really liked her; she was fun and kind and laughed at all my jokes and liked the same things I did. After meeting her for a second time I told my dad that I give him my blessing to marry her... "that was a huge mistake" I would think in the years to come, because after knowing her for a month they got married.
My mom moved away to live with her boyfriend at the time, now husband, in California. I had to live with my dad and new step-mom. I still remember the first moment she showed me her true colors. She told me she would make me lower than the dirt we walk on before I ruined her and my dad's marriage. I was shocked because my dad was out of the house and all I asked her was if I could help her clean or unpack anything. From there it just got worse.
She would remind me that I wasn't in the favor of my father anymore, and that I'm not actually apart of the family. She would call me worthless and useless on a weekly bases. She would make me feel like I was crazy; like seeing things that she said aren't there and telling me things that happened that never happened in the first place. It got to the point where, when I finally got up the courage to tell my dad he didn't believe me and told me that I just misunderstood her and that I was being a drama queen. One time I tried to stand up to her for making me feel crazy, and my dad run up the stairs and pinned me against the wall, chocking me with his arm and his fist 2 inches from my face and yelled "DON'T YOU EVER TALK TO HER LIKE THAT! GOT IT!"
I was so scared and didn't sleep at all that night. I was so scared I would die that night.
I started cutting myself on my wrists and legs and the only person who noticed was my mom when she came to visit me and my younger sister. She messaged my dad about it and her replied, "I know, I noticed that 2 weeks ago." and I promptly told my mom that he never said anything to me about it.
There's a lot more to the story, but it's too long to tell in one sitting. This is my life. I have tried to seek out counseling and have seen psychologists and therapists and the whole shebang, but I can no longer afford it. I have been meditating and trying to forms of practices and religious views.
If you or anyone you know is dealing with psychological or physical abuse please, I implore you, to not ignore it and to help them through it. and don't ignore it in yourself, let your voice be heard because you are validated regardless.
Much Love.
Kay
About the Creator
Kay Worth
I'm 21 years-old and I've always thought of writing as a way to activate my voice, since I've never felt I could vocally present it to people. I love making videos and plan to have a career in film production.
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