What Depression Is Really Like

Depression; a horrible, horrible mental illness. Many people see it as sadness or negative feelings; no, it is way more than that. Depression is like a war going on inside your head. You never know how to feel. There's days where you are happy, then there's days where you never even want to get out of bed because you are so drained with the constant war going on in your head.

Let me just say, I've been struggling with depression for about 14 years now. I have to take pills daily. I always end up having to go onto another pill because the other ones just "stop" working. In my opinion, I feel pills don't help anyone. I hate being the girl having to take ten pills every day because I have a war going on inside my head every day that I cannot seem to stop. They make me feel like I'm not myself, because these pills are changing me, yet so is my depression. I never know what to think about all of this. All I think about is how useless I am to this world, yet I have so many goals, I have a plan, but I still think that; because of my depression. I think of how bad of a person I am because I've lost so many friends, and I never understood why. What did I do to deserve all of this? Yes, I've made many mistakes, but everybody does. Why does it when I make a simple mistake I manage to lose all my friends? Or did I? Was I really the one drifting away from them, thinking they drifted from me? Am I the cause of all of this? I always want to walk up to everybody I've lost in my life and just say how sorry I am, but I know they already forgot all about me and I just feel like it's a little too late. I feel like everything is a little too late.

Depression completely changes your mind. Your train of thought can switch in a matter of seconds. One second you're happy, the next you're suicidal. It's a never-ending cycle. I've seen some people recover from depression almost fully, and I don't know how they do it?! I've tried almost everything to help mine, some have helped but it just stops helping after awhile. My counselor always told me to keep a journal and write one negative thing in it everyday but add three positives to it. I've tried once, it did help but I lost interest in doing it because I just can't keep up with it. If someone is really committed and wants to do that, I'd say give it a try.

Depression is like a ticking time bomb, it comes unexpected, hits you at any moment with no warning. The worst part? The fact that you feel pressured into trying to stop it. I idolize those people who stop that bomb. Either it's yourself or others around you helping you. You also feel like there's a dark cloud filled with thunder and lightning, hovering over you 24/7. It really does suck. It's not a pleasant feeling.

Overall, depression isn't just a "phase" or sadness, it is a lot more than that. A lot more. You feel like you never have anyone around you, you feel hopeless and useless. For me, that's an every day feeling. I'm sure it's the same for other people with severe depression. To make matters worse, I also struggle with PTSD, which makes things ten times worse than they already are. I hide my emotion for others, I pretend to laugh or smile, but behind that smile is someone who just wants to curl up into a ball and die. Depression is serious. It's an illness that should never be made fun of, or ignored. They're are millions of people in this world struggling with depression, half of the people we don't even realize, because this world has come to the point where we are all just selfish. So please, if you see any sign of depression for someone, say a compliment that can cheer almost everyone up. Someone with depression may be very distant from others; always quiet, head down, and never participating. Look for those people, and cheer them up. While you're at it, tell everyone a compliment; everyone deserves one.