What Does Not Kill You...You Use It to Make You Stronger

So this is my first attempt at using my voice on Vocal and I hope it reaches a wide audience. Let me start at the beginning then hopefully you will be able to take something from my story, either for yourself or someone that you know that needs to hear my story.

I am a survivor of a severely violent and abusive relationship that started when I was 16 years old and went on for 13 years. My ex is currently serving 15 and half years in prison of which 12 and a half of those years were for the crimes he committed against me. I spent many nights being tortured with beatings, knives put to my throat and if I disobeyed or cried then it would encourage further beatings. I could go on with the despicable times that I had to endure but that's not what my message is about. I fought blood, sweat and tears to gain the justice I deserved and I has not been easy but as the title of my story goes...'What doesn't kill you...you must use it to make you stronger'.

My journey has been turbulent but I would not change it for the world. Sure I have my dark days, which is understandable but I have learnt to stand up again after every fall. Each time I get back up, I feel stronger, more disciplined and more determined to enjoy my life, live my life and pursue my goals and aspirations that I once did not have and was not allowed to have. I have learnt to love myself, I have learnt what my values and boundaries are and I have learnt to enjoy the tough journey I have had. These past few years of my new found freedom, since he was incarcerated, has been a time of re parenting myself, changing my old habits and completely changing my mindset. Everything from my lifestyle, diet, company choices and life decisions have completely taken a U turn and it has helped me overcome the dark depression that I was once in.

One of my aspirations is to spread my story far and wide in the hope that it will save just one life. The thought that someone will hear my story, read my book or even just see this article and that changes their view and gives them the strength to realise that they are worth more than being someone’s punching bag and that there is help out there to walk away. This thought brings tears of joy to my eyes that my horror story that has become my victor story, has saved a person’s life.

My message does not only go out to sufferers and survivors but also to anyone that is going through a tough time. They may be contemplating suicide, self harming or not being able to accept help from someone else. I want my words and experience to reach out to them and give them a hand of hope so that they know that they are not alone. I have been there. I have lived through the storm and I am coming through the other side.

In my moments of pain, I have and continue to turn to my poetry as it helps me vent my feelings and emotions so that I can understand them and turn them into something beautiful. I invite anyone going through a tough time to find our passion and creativity. Weights of anguish are lifted off my shoulders once I write it down...

War Wounds

I have lived through my battle and my soul has wept through pure triumph,

Put my sword away, lay my armour to rest, feel the breeze of freedom swim through my veins

These wounds have been stitched with love and light, my stitches will not be for the use of the opposing side

Love cannot filter through and light will not shine so that the warmth may touch their face

Through the fields of my battle and trenches of my war

I have survived the carnage and I rose again to fight another day

There is no knife that can cut my heart

There is no weapon that can score my soul

There is no army that can attack my body

The battle has scared me but my war has rebuilt me

My stitches are healing and cradling my scars

My scars are my proof that I am a survivor that will never surrender…

I hope my story has brought strength to someone out there. Please remember that we all deserve happiness in life 😊