What It Is Like to Drink and Be Aware

As a gifted, and aware person, I drank to quell the talent and the noise. My talents are numerous. It is hard to be inside my own head sometimes. Alcohol served as self-medication for me. I gave it up. I quit drinking, period. It was a buffer. I was on meds by 20 but I still drank. I built up a tolerance. I had a high tolerance. I mean I could pound two Guinness beers and not feel much of a buzz. In college, I spent my life drinking until when I graduated in 2007. My symptoms were still something that got me picked on a lot. Now that I’m treated, I’m hardly picked on. Sure, I’ve figured out people bully only when your symptoms show.

How awful. Wow. I mean that’s just evil. I was not treated for many years, so I got picked on within an inch of my life for many years until college was over. My buffer with alcohol helped the psychic talent dwindle down to a dull roar. The dull roar was why I kept drinking. My brain gets loud. I get insights that happen quickly. Now my meds control that process, and my power in general. I practice witchcraft. I need to maintain control over my emotions to send energy where it belongs, not to be all over the place.

Having multiple psychic talents wears on me. I drank to keep it controlled. But really, in 2009, the telekinesis and psychokinesis hit. I was bending spoons and forks uncontrollably. I was also zapping people energetically. I had a bunch of bad habits since my family is busy denying their talents. I also didn’t have a diagnosis of schizophrenia until I was 31. I was never on the autism spectrum, period. I don’t have ADD at all. Alcohol messed with my attention span. I got extra time on tests in college because of my anxiety. Diabetics actually need to put a retake policy in place because low blood sugar and high blood sugar messes you up really good before quizzes or during the act of taking a quiz.

I do not drink anymore for any reason. Alcohol can mess me up pretty good. I mean it temporarily controls the psychic stuff, but then it goes out of control when alcohol leaves your system the next day. I was such an irresponsible person from 20-30. At 30 I started Geodon, which made me more responsible as a whole. I’m glad my drinking days are done. I mean my insight was not as fast. The downside drinking has for me though, is becoming complaint. I do whatever a guy tells me to do. I do not set boundaries, and I’m suddenly a much nicer person. I can’t discern jerks. I could get myself in a toxic situation quickly if I ever start drinking again. Sure, I get beer cravings sometimes. But well, with diligence, and allowing my higher power to take it away, I’m able to stay sober.

Alcohol in moderation is best for everybody. I want to try non-alcoholic beer but I worry about going to Bev and Mo by myself. The thing is, I’m doing okay sober. I feel better, I’m harder to manipulate. I don’t like being around people who drink anyway. I stay away from bars, clubs, and casinos, where people are more likely to drink anyway. I shouldn’t drink with a heart condition I have called pulmonary atresia anyway. I hear you need surgical intervention with this condition, which I never got since the hole in my heart when I was born, closed up on its own. I could have needed surgical intervention but somehow this didn’t happen or it wasn’t necessary? Yeah, drinking these days could flat out kill me, put me in bad situations, and erode my judgment. My medication giveth good judgment so that I do not have to mess myself up anymore. I can do better on the meds anyway.