What Not Being on Meds Can Do to a Person

Not being on medication can destroy your life. Even if you feel you don’t need it, as a rapid cycling bipolar, I know I need medication and those who are the same don’t necessarily think to themselves, oh I need medication. By that I refer to my family who doesn’t take meds as well as others. Not having medication is something very dark to do to yourself. I have to wonder how untreated people think. As I used to be one, I have some idea. You think dark thoughts all the time. Death, suicide, funerals.

Darkness falls across your mental landscape. You think of nothing but dark things. I have to wonder how untreated people continue to put up their very dangerous front. At least in the year 2018, you can say, I feel good or I feel bad and fewer people give you problems because of websites like the Mighty. We, the ill people, have advocated for years to be able to share our voices with those of you who do not have a mental illness. But hey, in the end, anxiety is the most common problem there is. If some people commute to work and it takes them two hours, then you know why their coffee is giving them anxiety as well.

Medication works to stabilize your mood. Mania can make some people cry. I’d say that hell is having an untreated mental illness. In the present, when I go to bed, I imagine how bad I felt in the past with no medication as a useful tool. So I have learned to ground myself in the present, to enjoy going to sleep, and that not being on meds most of my childhood is not my fault.

I was willing to get myself medication in order to take responsibility for my mental illness. But no, that didn’t sway some people. Not being on medication means you are impulsive. I would have been able to better enjoy dating had I been on medication. I didn’t get to date as much until I got on medication in college anyway. Not being on medication can be detrimental to your IQ, and my alcoholism certainly was a detriment to my mental health. I’m so grateful that in the present I’m medication consistent. I feel the need to raise my meds because of the time of year it is.

October is rather difficult for me because of my psychic talent. My bizarre collection of skills mean that they manifest a lot in October and my medication doesn’t always help. Last year in February, while at Pantheacon, I managed to walk to the light rail station from the hotel, but I had to deal with my pain issues since my knee was really hurting. I used Reiki to fix the stiffness, as I had watched a healer do for me while at the conference. Somebody waiting for the light rail thought that was way too funny.

I don’t appreciate being laughed at because I have unique abilities. This October, I plan on being out a little more. As in, being able to use them to help people. Helping people too much is something I’m trying not to do, however, if only because I’m not going to overextend myself. If I do that, I run into depression, or mania or both. This is why I have to be careful whom I talk to, what I talk about, and what time I’m talking to them. I have to set very firm boundaries, especially if my psychic talent is well known in the future. I can’t always read for people. I have to be careful how I go about doing things. My medication is one of the few ways I have to control my power, so the bottom-line is I take it.