What Not to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed

I’ve struggled with depression my whole life, and every day it’s a new challenge seemingly more difficult than the last. Because mental illness is still greatly stigmatized, it can be unnerving to even think about opening up to others. When opening up to someone about depression, (on top of the feelings of crippling anxiety) is the usually crushing or straight-up insensitive responses. So here I have compiled some thoughts on things NOT to say to someone with depression.

1. "You aren't depressed."

This is one the most insensitive things you could say to someone who is struggling or may be struggling with depression. If someone you care for entrusts you with a serious problem they are having, then the worst thing to do is invalidate them. Sure, some people self-diagnose and sometimes they’re wrong, but leave that up to the professionals. Instead of invalidating them, encourage them to talk to a professional.

2. "I'm sad sometimes too."

This is usually said with good intentions, but it doesn’t quite achieve its goal. Being sad is not the same thing as being depressed. The human instinct to try to relate to those we care for and understand them, but in this context, it is not effective. Although you can sympathize with someone who is depressed, it is incredibly hard (if not impossible) to understand depression.

3. "Just be more thankful."

Being depressed doesn’t mean you aren’t thankful. You could be so thankful that all you talk about is the things your thankful for, but that doesn’t mean it will cure your depression. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, it is a physiological illness. You can be depressed and thankful at the same time. These two things aren’t mutually exclusive.

4. "Try finding God."

Again, you can have a good relationship with God or a healthy spiritual life, or whatever you identify with and still be depressed. These two things are not mutually exclusive. Being depressed is not God punishing you for your lack of relationship. It is true people can find peace and solace in spirituality, religion or a relationship with God, but that does not mean “finding God” is the answer to cure depression. Depression is an illness, not a discrepancy in spirituality.

5. "You should exercise more."

There are thousands of people who have a very healthy exercise routine and eat all the right things, and they are still depressed. Olympic athletes are depressed and they are at the height of health in almost every way. That being said, this is one of the three things a professional will suggest to a patient to help with depression. Notice how I said “something that a PROFESSIONAL will tell you.” In many cases, just encouraging a loved one to see a professional is the best thing you can do for them.