I am the person that people point and whisper about, the one that is frowned upon by some and ridiculed by many. I have severe depression. I am emotionally unstable and my anger knows no bounds. I wasn’t this person to begin with. When I was born I was undamaged. Perfectly formed things moved like a well-oiled machine. Now I feel old, tired, and desperate.
I do look like I am capable most of the time, until it gets as cold as it is now. Then I become the person that is accused of putting it on. My joints don’t move and my legs don’t work like they used to before. My back barely supports my neck and shoulders while I sit now. I feel broken and exhausted by effort.
Every child enters the world with the ability to become so many things, and as parents, it’s our duty to make sure that they fulfill their wildest dreams; sometimes there are parents that don’t realise this is the case. When these parents exist, a child like me is created; emotional abuse,physical and mental abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, and even over-protectiveness create some problems for certain personality types.
Contrary to popular belief, emotionally unstable people aren’t born that way, although I can understand why some people would choose to believe that. Being bracketed in a psyche group along the lines of Charles Manson, Fred West, and Ian Brady isn’t one of the things you would choose to put on your resume. It brings about the age old question nature versus nurture: are you ever capable of presenting a front of normality to general society or will you end up becoming some kind of menace to society? I choose to be productive. Although it may not seem that way to outsiders. The people in my inner circle see the daily struggles and although they may not fully understand the limitations of my personality and my body, they do their level best to see past them anyway.
Mental health illnesses are the type that don’t show on the outside. They are the type of illnesses that are invisible to everyone else that doesn’t know the individual on a personal basis. However it is the illness where its victims suffer the most at the the hands of society, at the hands of the sufferer, and at the hands of the family and friends involved. I see so many people that throw the term depressed or psycho around to justify their anger or sadness without truly understanding the damage they are doing to those that are really depressed or psychotic. We all get pigeon holed into groups. Some may be bi-polar, others may be psychotic. Some, like me, have unstable personalities that are affected by different emotions. Each of us has a specific type of illness that lumps us all together. We may have similar symptoms but there are many things that make us different. The way in which our manias come about differ, our treatment is different, but most importantly, each of our individual fights are different. There is one thing that makes each and every one of the same no matter what though...
Each of us fights every second of the day to be a person, not our illness.
Each of us wakes up everyday wishing it to be better than the last.
Each of us would love to give up and at some point or another has tried, unsuccessfully or not, to do so.
Each of us sees our illness for what it is as a part of us, not who we are, so who am I?
I’m Nadine Korodi, I’m 32, and I have an emotionally unstable personality and suffer from depression. I have five children and am engaged to be married next year. I have been through a lot in life but I am still here and I am already making my voice heard about mental health issues. They are part of me but I will not let them define me anymore.