Why Writing with Depression Is So Difficult

For years, writing has been my passion. I have so many ideas brewing around in my head for different novels, but none of which have come to fruition. I can be half asleep and come up with an amazing plot. I'll wake up and jot some basics down, but they are basically useless to me. I can never have enough muse to get anything done. If my life isn't even together, how can I put another one together? I often put the blame on depression for draining my life force, slowly, but surely. As it turns out, this is only part of the case. Executive dysfunction is the actual culprit.

Neurological differences that affect planning, cleaning, and pretty much everything, that is executive dysfunction. It is common in people with anxiety, autism, OCD, and other mental illnesses. For me, having anxiety and depression was already a living hell for me, but with this new bit of information added, I don't feel like I'm a lazy slob anymore. I feel like this is something I am actively fighting against, and that I have been fighting against since I was young. Executive dysfunction has definitely impacted my life in a negative way, but I'm determined to not only combat it, but spread awareness; writing this article means I am taking a step in doing both.

Executive dysfunction has taken a toll on the lives of many. For some, even doing the dishes is like a game of tug-o-war. In my experience, this can even apply to normal tasks like making myself a meal, to something like writing a novel. Both are tasks I need or want to do, but this part of me keeps telling me that I don't have to. It is easily comparable to having a voice in your head that is a really relaxed stoner, and they keep telling you "You have all the time in the world. You're good, dude. Just chill out." It is the worst thing to deal with when the task it's keeping you from is what you want to do for a living. As stated, writing is my passion, but I cannot even put thoughts on paper because of the mess of thoughts from anxiety, depression, and executive dysfunction. The fact that I am even able to write this much in a single sitting is a feat, and I feel pride boiling inside of me.

Whenever I am able to actually get something done that it has kept me from, I am elated. I feel pride. I know the phrase "Don't applaud a fish for swimming" applies, but for me it's more like "Please applaud this fish for swimming against a rough current with only one fin." What is normal, even routine for some, may be extremely difficult for others.

Always remember: You do not know what others are going through. Instead of seeing someone as lazy, maybe take all factors into consideration. Ask if they need help. People with anxiety will be afraid to ask for any help, but when they have executive dysfunction, the could use it. Stop the stigma. Spread awareness. Be willing to help and understand. That's all I can ask.