Suicide

I had a feeling of need to tell my story today; I don't know why but I am going with it, so here it is!

OK guys I wanna tell you a story of a completely broken girl. It’s real, it’s messy and maybe hard to read. But I want to tell it in the hopes it may help someone else. Suicide! It’s real and people get so low they feel completely hopeless and don’t bother seeing a point in trying anymore. I know this because this is exactly how I felt.

About a year and a half ago I was in the hospital covered in wires being poked and prodded. I had tried to end my life for the third time. I had taken too many pills to count, swallowed them with cough syrup, sliced my arm 5 times in hopes to cut the artery. I was in the middle of making a noose when the cops showed up. My best friend was contacted by my ex and she called. I guess they had knocked a bit before I answered and she was begging them to knock down the door because she thought I was for sure dead this time. All this happened after a night of binge drinking and getting high. You may think escaping the world through drugs and alcohol will help, but it only makes you feel much worse in the end.

While curled up on a hospital bed in Edmonton after puking everything out of me and being pumped full of liquids to bring me back to life, I said that was enough of trying to end my life. Throughout the year I still suffered through my addictions. I began slowly trying to quit. I was still mega depressed but I NEVER gave up! I started working at a company called Ballad, which is where they help you get back into working, teach you life skills, and help you make a nice resume. A part of the program includes building sheds at Home hardware, which is where I realized my love of construction and refinishing furniture. So I started with my dresser, and am so in love with it!!

Don’t get me wrong, I fell off the wagon so much throughout the year and there were lots of ups and downs. But I had found my passion! That was my start. Then one day, I woke up miserable as hell and said that's ENOUGH! And dropped partying completely. It's been about 10 weeks since I got high. When I say high, I mean cocaine; that was my biggest weakness. Now I have Skulture, my furniture business and Younique, my makeup business, which I am so in love with. Who doesn’t love taking selfies, right? I have another business coming soon that I am also very excited about! I am very determined to work from home so I can be here for my son Tyler.

So my point is, even when you feel so hopeless and feel like your only option is to die, it’s really not! There is hope! Never give up! Reach out to someone. Go to church, go to counselling, go anywhere that would make you feel better. Take life one day at a tim;, if you can’t do a whole day, take it an hour at a time. You don’t have to figure out your future right now. If I can dig my way outta hell, so can you! That being said, I am always around and never too busy for anyone who needs someone to talk to! Much love to everyone! Much love to my mom and Vicki, who was there to kick my butt and pull me up when I need it, and everyone else who was around in my hell! I wouldn’t be here without you guys! Thank you for reading! XO