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Wahalalafia (Pt. 2)

My Speak for Bipolar Disorder Part 2

Happy Valentine’s Day.

At this present time, I’m single, unlike Pringles. I find that being in love is one of the most complicated aspects of having Wahalalafia.

My last relationship, let’s call him Michael. Good looking, charismatic and charming. Older. Yes much older. I suppose they always want to take care of you. I genuinely felt loved by him.

Now, what am I looking for? Hmmm... no idea, lol.

I find that falling in love is like vertigo. The feeling of not being on the ground, floating, as if my feet are floating.

I’ve only been in love once. I suppose I haven’t really opened up myself to anyone. Is this symptomatic of Wahalalafia?

I do feel love but I’m scared of commitment. Marriage. Only because I know I float and sometimes it’s scary keeping your feet on the ground.

Is marriage overrated? Monogamy? Me and my therapist talked about monogamy.

Can people like us who float be truly monogamous? Do we look for love in the wrong places?

Who is our type? Who is my type?

Anyway, love like most things is complicated. My ex always used to say that a relationship is never the same after a breakup. We now don’t talk. I suppose it’s best. I wish Michael the best I was devastated though when we broke up; Dick the Depression showed its stupid face, but he brought the most delicious pizza I’d ever eaten in my life.

Anyway, yeah, funnily enough, my therapist is trying to set me up with a French model. Now hmmm, I'm slightly overweight, would a French model be attracted to me? I’m pretty in the face. (My ex noticed that). I find that I attract men who are deep thinkers, artists, singers, and the like.

But sometimes being slightly but not very overweight means that there is the perception of being jolly and funny. Yes, one of my attributes is that I’m funny. Sometimes, women, those of us who are funny, sometimes used humour as a defence mechanism. We tend to not be secure, or we are very emotional. See I’m a Leo, and I know Leos tend to be like lasagna. Multi-layered and complicated.

One thing I realised is that I’m attracted to but repulsed by my own weaknesses. How would someone handle my weak moments? I’ve always wondered who would be able to handle my low moments? My high moments, etc.

Another thing about love is that it can get messy. If you know what I mean. Your heart can be filled or broken so much beyond repair.

How would you define love? Is love just about sex? Is love about looks? Is love ableist?

According to some, “Love is patient, love is kind, etc.”

That’s what they say.

Love to me is a soul connection. Yes, it’s cheesy. Now can you connect with more than one person?

Seriously, is monogamy overrated? Who made the rule that we should be monogamous anyway? Who told us we have to fall in love with one person? Is polyamory romantic?

What are your thoughts, reader?

Anyway, I find Wahalalafia makes me love much deeper. Now, I’m not saying if you don’t have Wahalalafia you’re not capable of loving deeply. I just find that we connect so deeply to things, we latch onto things and people easily and we are accused of being really needy. Really needy. But it’s not neediness, it’s a profundity, that’s rare, maybe. We have a profundity that is much deeper than expected. We are passionate, I suppose.

Love is where you find it. ❤️ They say anyway.

Anyway, yes, Happy Valentine’s Day.

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Wahalalafia (Pt. 2)
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